Mandie

mandiemandiemwa
2012-02-07 11:39:28 (UTC)

Wo Ai Ni

He touched my hands today. Yeaaa, Ollie. Growing confusion... I dunno, I put my hands on his shoulders while he was looking at Gan, and he gripped mine. For a while, I froze. I don't think anyone noticed, but for half a second my face was frozen, I was staring at his on mine and I just... I dunno, it felt like the whole world spun without me. A second later his hands were gone, and I was just, well, I snapped out of it and went back to my fake smile.

This has got to stop. This *thing* I've been feeling? It's wrong. I shouldn't feel this way.

Ollie's a great friend, I don't wanna lose him cause of an uncertain feeling.

I lost a grand today. It wasn't Ollie's fault. I stole his wallet, he stole mine. A grand disappeared. It wasn't him. I trust him.

I lied to him. I told him not to return the money. To not worry about it, and that it wasn't his fault. No lies, but I also told him that the grand was supposed to be for his birthday present anyway. He believed me. He smiled. His mood was back to normal after I said that. And I don't know why, but making him smile makes me happy. Really really happy that warmth spreads in my chest.

I'm not over DS yet. I forgave him. I mean, it wasn't his fault. He didn't want to hurt me. Aaaand, I'm not exactly all that pretty either anyway. Gosh, now I'm feeling insecure.

We talked. Simple 'hi,' and 'hello.' But that was okay, I mean, we have nothing else to talk about... I think he got my hidden message-within-a-fistbump. That what he did was okay, that I'm not mad at him or anything and that I understand his reasons and simply wanna be friends.

Someone sent him a love letter. It contained the lyrics of AJ Rafael's We Could Happen. Ollie, Sanz, Micha, and Gatchie think it was me. I mean, who else is head-over-heels with DS? Plus, Ollie told me about the song during the weekend. Soo, yea, big chance it's me but it's really not me.

I'll write again,
Mandie <3





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