Its been a long time.
What has been happening to me?
Well, I went away with friends and family to Abu Dhabi over xmas hols. My wife wasn’t talking to me much as she found at a few days before that I have been spending my OWN credit card. She was upset because we are supposed to be bringing down our debt. But I was spending the card on my business projects. The same business she doesn’t have any interest in knowing what is happening. My finance arrangement just sucks. My Salary is suppose to go into an account which she monitors and ensures everything is ok in terms of our finances but her salary goes into another account I don’t bother to monitor. I pay all the bills and she does the food shopping (I have to do this sometimes if she hasn’t done it in a while or she bought the wrong stuff for the kids) moreover I still do go to the market to buy stuff we need outside her supermarket shopping. She also pays the kids school fees and our holiday. Apart from that she “saves” according to her. I am very unhappy about my finances and it is one thing I am hoping to resolve in this New Year. Talking about the New Year I finally had the talk with my wife about the vibrator. A friend of mine was in the house and I was talking to him about the state of affairs of my marriage. My wife woke up and heard a few things we talked about so after he left she asked. I answered her questions as best as I could and we talked about different things. That is when she mentioned (after asking0 that she bought and used the vib to see if she can get herself to start enjoying sex and she doesn’t enjoy it at all and only does it to please me and before we got married her previous lovers. I was a bit confused as over the last 13 yrs I can think of a number of times I know she was really up for it. In one vain she says it happened after our first child but why say it was the case before you met me. She said she did a number of research into it and have now accepted that she is this way. Hang on a minute, in all these research you did, do the researcher mention to speak openly to your husband about it and try and experiment together? She says the last person she can discuss things like this with his me. Ordinarily I will go out of my way and try and openly talk to her and see what we can do but I am so far away from her emotionally. I am sick and tired of being the one trying to make us closer. During all this time you were doing research and we were not having sex she was having these entire liaison (phone calls, email, text and what else) with her boss and male colleagues. Even now, sometimes when I enter the room she turns her phone upside down or covers it. I am tired of trying for sex, I am tired of trying to talk, I just want to be left alone for sometime. My soul is depressed and I good do with some loving companionship of the female form but this is my lot. I will focus on my sport, my job , my business and my children. There are enough joy in these things. I have no desire for sex right now, my libido is so low but I still seek comforting. I wonder where I will get that from. My life right now is full of ups and downs. Right now I just don’t need anything from my wife cos I am tired of trying to make her see what I want. She says we have been the way we are for sometime and she prefers it this way and is used to it. I just wish I could find love….