Middle Child

Online Dating

I've been doing the online dating gig on and off since October and I still haven't found any success. I've been a on couple dates up to now and I don't know what is going on with me, but I just don't find myself interested in dating the guys I meet.

I have met great guys. I have had great conversation with them, but there's nothing for me. I feel like maybe I'm feeling desensitized about the whole dating thing. Whenever I think about how I could just be friends with the guys I meet, I know deep down inside it's not possible. They want love. They want a relationship. Who the fuck am I to be friends with them, when all they want to do is be with me.

Do I honestly feel like dating at this point in my life? I do, but I wish I was past the whole telling my parents about a new guy, guy meets parents, parents let me stay out with boyfriend bullshit.

Ever since I went on a date with my coworker and seeing that I had 10 missed calls from my parents really really triggered my anxiety. I feel so restricted in my life. I just turned 25 and I can't even stay out past 9pm without my parents raping my phone with calls! As I'm typing this I'm crying. I went on a date with a guy and I had told him I had to be home soon, and the poor guy had plans for us to go somewhere else later that night to meet his friends... to meet his friends! My ex-boyfriend never asked me to hang out with his friends!

Maybe I'm still hooked on my ex?

I hate that fucker.

I was talking to 2 great guys this week and I just stopped talking to them out of the blue. What am I doing? I got along with them so well, but something deep inside me was telling me it's not going to work, regardless if I get along with them intellectually. I'm listening to my gut, but is my gut always right?

I'm talking to another few guys and all I'm thinking is, "shit, here's another great guy and sooner or later I'm probably going to stop talking to you because I don't know what the fuck I want from you."

I think I need to disconnect myself from the online dating scene. This isn't working out for me and I'm only going to hurt more guys along the way.

That's what I'll do.