Sylvia

Remember
2012-01-26 13:18:41 (UTC)

Fustrations

Ugh. So, yesterday it deleted my first, original entry, and then I could't get on for the rest of the day. -_- Not fun.
THEN, to add to it, it rained ALL day. Which, wasn't so bad, I didn't mind (I thought it was pretty- everthing was tinted a blue colour :3), but it /was/ muddy and mucky, and that wasn't too fun when you have a lamb you have to walk, even in rain... the cool thing was, though, I got to see phosphorescent worms :3 Dad said they were baby Nightcrawlers. I was like 'HOLY! I DIDNT KNOW WORMS GLOOOOWED??!!' XD It was fun.

Well, actually, a damper to yesterday. Apparently Mrs. V (my step mom) told me to not go to youth or something (I swear, I never heard that from her mouth!) and...well, I did. So, now dad is mad and said I can't ever go to youth until the lamb is done being taken care of. Which...he won't...until April. I really want to cuss my dad out, but... well, I don't cuss. >< That part really sucks. I can't see my friends as much anymore...! For the little alone time I would've had with them at youth, I can't have that anymore.

Y'know... 'm supposed to be working on homework. I'm...not ^^'' Maybe I can ask a friend to just copy, I can't find half the answers anyway... (I wouldn't normally copy, but my teacher said it was fine, it's a review anyway, so as long as I study it, that's fine (though the actual /study/ part may not be executed XD I NEVER study. I still make all A's, though...!)

I'm kind of surprised I haven't written bits of lyrics of songs yet. In my previous diaries, I had it LITTERED with lyrics of songs I am either listening to, or ones stuck in my head. XD- Coming soon! Songs littered throughout the rest of these journals!

~Since I can't even choose the season of my passing...~

:3 Yay~ XD Called 'Uninstall'- it's actually in Japanese. I hardly ever listen to songs in English... and, even then, I listen to 'wierd' music, compared to other teens.

I sent a quick little note on IM to D...
Oh man.
Now I have to explain who D is...
Y'know what? I'll just put the large explanation in another journal. I don't feel like writing that much on one very stressful topic currently. Speaking of, I need to explain my 'hate' of my friend Kaci... :/ That's another stressful topic I don't quite yet want to write about. Maybe I'll write a big one, maybe I collaborated one in a few journals or something.

~How many times can I break till I shatter?...
All that I feel is the realness I'm fakin'...~

Yeah, yeah, two totally different parts to the same song. XD Ah, you'll see that a lot. Just know it /probably/ pertains to my REAL thoughts.

AUGH. JEG ER TRÆT! Really, I'm so darn TIREEEED. DX I keep staying up too late, resulting in too little sleep... and then, last night I didn't sleep well, I haven't been sleeping well for THREE WEEKS. It's awful... I keep falling asleep every chance I get in class. I think, last week, for maybe a day or two, I got a good rest, but otherwise, I haven't really slept. Maybe it's the depression that seems to be hanging on me, or maybe it's just...whatever else there is. I dunno. They say you can get depressed from lack of sleep, or even depression makes you tired. I dunno what it really is, but... >< It's not fun. Seems my friend, Helene, doesn't sleep well either...

Oh, I will soon start posting some of the few scattered papers I've had to use as a journal- I'll type it up and put it on here. That way, they have a back up, too...

~Don't I have the right to be happy? Or am I destined to cry?
Without you, I feel...so lonely and lost...
Do you see the world of the colossal trees?
Have you counted the empty dreams?
Are you only rarely full of luck and mirth?
As if you were a hero of the dead...
Here, in the woods, a little nest-
So alone and cold, away from the rest~

A... German song, I believe. You can't really tell the words that well, but the title kind of gives it away- 'Der Wald', which is definitely German.

...
*passes out*
;_; I'm so, so tired. I am about to fall asleep on my keyboard. I've NEVER fallen asleep in school before, until these recent weeks...!
Maybe I can catch back up on sleep with the weekend.
Probably not.
Maybe my tiredness is helped because...
I feel as if...
I must make the most of my time, and when I feel as if I didn't succeed in that, then I stay up- attempting to fix the lost time.
I keep making myself mad with the time I waste.
Which really isn't good...
I become really agitated, and...whatever else. I dunno :I

We're supposed to be going back to court. My divorced parents and all...
Maybe about a month or two. Dad's lawyer is postponing it as long as he can. They know my 'extended visit'... is about to expire- hopefully. It better. Otherwise, I AM going to run away. Or become insane. Whichever happens first. Either way, I'd be getting out from under the oppression of my dad's house- if I let myself go insane, I'd get to go to a mental hospital (Dad's threatened me before with it, why not make him act upon it?). If I ran away, police would FINALLY turn their heads around and realize I mean business.
Y'know, our last fight...
I called the cops.
The cops wouldn't...
believe me. Thought I was just another teen trying to get out of trouble by just saying my parents are abusive.
He wouldn't believe me. The cop...
>_< I hate cops now.

~Come, let's go insane!...~

The cop was a nice guy and all, but...he couldn't really see the real situation. Did I mention my dad wouldn't let me practice my religion? He hates me being a Catholic. He's a Baptist (or, so he says. Honestly, I'm pretty sure he's Atheist, while my step mom is the Baptist). He won't let my younger brother become Catholic, even though Jake WANTS to be. He's old enough to decide what religion he wants! He's at the age of reason! Dad wouldn't have it, though. He takes Jake as the general 'star child'. He can't do anything wrong because he's a kid. Apparently, Jake only wants to live with my Mom (this is from my Dad's reckoning) because those are the words he's been fed. What about me? Why would Jake and myself BOTH want to live at our mom's so bad as to come to tears?

I can't write much more. The bell is about to ring, so I'll go ahead and cut this journal short.

~Farvel, Sofi




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