my thoughts

My Journey
2012-01-24 06:01:47 (UTC)

if you can't say something nice.....

Today wasn't a very good day, nothing seemed to go right, and in turn it has left me very grouchy. The icing on the cake happened within minutes of hubby getting home from work.

I called to get an appointment with the doctor that I would like to switch to and was told that I need to come by his office, fill out an assessment form, wait for the doc to look it over to decide if he wants to take me on as a new patient and then wait until May to see him. WHAT?!?! This is just for an ordinary run of the mill primary family doc. The lady on the phone also informed me that he would not see me if I am taking narcotics. No, I'm not. Now, I realize that docs are very wary about seeing druggies and won't, but, it sure makes it hell for those of us who have ongoing medical problems and need treatment for them. I'm almost to a point that I'm ready to say the hell with it, I don't need a primary doc. Maybe I'll just stop taking my blood pressure meds, arthritis, depression, sleep and acid reflux meds and just go to the urgent care clinic when I get strep or flu or something. Too much hassle.

Then, the lady who does my hair called and left a message that she needs to cancel my appointment on Thursday because her daughter is getting her braces off. That's fine, I don't mind. I had already planned my day, but I can change it. I will have to call her tomorrow some time and see when she can fit me in.

Then, admissions called from the hospital to pre-register hubby for his endoscopy in the morning. I was on the phone with her for about 20 minutes confirming everything.

I spent the afternoon cleaning the kitchen and made a casserole so that it would be ready when hubby got in from work. As ususal, I've got dinner ready, hot and on the table and he gets home a little over an hour later than he usually does. I was a little peeved at this. Sometimes he will have a not so nice subtle comment if he has to wait for dinner for an hour after getting home from work. I can't win. I have it ready and waiting and he's late. I hold off and wait and he comes in "starving" and put out because it's not on the table.

So, he comes in grumbling. Bitching about how bad he feels, how bad his stomach hurts, how he's felt like shit all day, how bad work sucked today, how much the people at work pissed him off and so on.

Then he finally asks how my day was. I really didn't want to talk about all his aches and pains all evening so I tried to change the subject all together and told him I was fine. He answered back with "oh, well, that's a change. You usually have some kind of something going on with you every day." Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was too oversensitive. But that statement somehow really pissed me off. How dare he say something like that to me. I have to hear all about his aches and pains and moans and groans day in and day out. It never ceases. I freaking hurt usually from the time I wake up until I finally get to sleep. But I rarely say anything to him. And I pointed that out to him. I said that the reason I told him that I felt fine was because today was not one of my bad days, as far as pain went, and I didn't want to talk about aches and pains all evening. Apparently, he did. Sympathy card anyone??

He let out with a string of cuss words about how he was a SOB wasn't he, and he f---ed up everything didn't he, and blah blah blah. He said he thought he had left work, but no, he's come right home to hear more bitching. He said he wasn't going to have the endoscopy done tomorrow. I sure as hell wasn't going to listen to a pity party again today. I told him oh yes he WAS going to have that done tomorrow too. I was pissed by this time. I told him I didn't want to have to hear him complaining all the time about how bad his stomach hurts, he can't eat this, he can't eat that, he can't sleep, he can't rest, he feels like his nerves on edge all the time, he has to miss a day or two from work each week because of all this pain, etc etc. I told him I had already done his pre-registration and the least he could do is go get this done and maybe FINALLY see what the hell it is that is making him so miserable. I've heard this daily bitch fest from him for at least the past two years now. And acording to him, whatever this stomach thing is, it is what is making his life so damn miserable. I beg to differ, but, whatever. At least maybe we can either get to the bottom of this or rule it out. I don't want him to have anything bad wrong with him, but, I do hope they find something and can treat it. Otherwise, if they don't find anything, like last time, it's hard to tell how or what he will blame all his aches and pains on this time.

I'm done ranting now. Thank you dear diary for listening to me. I don't have anyone else to talk to. I tried to say something nice to hubby tonight, not complain, and look where it got me. Next time I will tell him all my woes and hurts and disappointments of the day if he asks, be ignored as usual, and get right back to his moans and groans for the evening. Let's not mess up the evening routine, see what happens? It blows up in my face. At least he went on to the bedroom after he ate dinner and I haven't seen him the rest of the evening. He must have decided to have this done tomorrow, he did emerge from the bedroom long enough to ask me what time would we need to leave in the morning. I told him 5 a.m. and he went back to the bedroom. Should be interesting. until later........




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