Jan

My life in the making
2012-01-17 04:15:30 (UTC)

I just have to get it out...

This is relating to my previous entry. Its really fucked up, when you have so many great friends, but you don't dare tell anyone of them what you are feeling. Because you don't want them to know that inside you feel like this. So who can I anonymously turn too? I can't let anyone know that I feel this way, because then.. they will realize it too. And then i'll be alone. I'll loose someone, a very special someone, because I pointed out the truth. I wish I didn't have to get up, and go to school. So I could cry the whole night away. Why did this all the sudden hit me like a wave? I know I have it better than 80% of the world, more than likely. So please don't tell me i'm selfish. Because i'm not thinking of suicide. I just need to know, what is someone who sucks at everything suppose to do at life? What is there to do? No matter how hard I try, and push my self.. It doesn't seem like i'll ever acomplish one of my goals. Or like i'll ever find someone so I can live that teenage dream. And if I do, I end up pushing them away, or they don't care enough about me to keep in touch. I hope I wake up to feel better. Because I need to. But until I can manage to go to sleep, to let my brain rest from everything that has hit me tonight, i'll sit here, tears running down my face.. Wishing I had someone to tell this too, so maybe they could tell me I am good at something. But I know i'm not. And I know I have no one to tell this too. Good thing no one reads this. Because i'm a horrible diary writer. Who even said "everyone has a talent" because of course they lied. They lied just to make someone feel good for a split minute. Lying does help. Not pointing out somethings does make a difference.




Ad: