my thoughts

My Journey
2012-01-06 06:19:55 (UTC)

still as confused as I was before

Okay, I am freezing. I know that the weather forecasters are talking about how unseasonably warm it has been for the past couple of days, and it is warm for this time of year, but I just can't seem to get warm. Maybe I'm coming down with something. I haven't felt real great for the past few days. I had chest pains a couple of days ago, was sneezing a lot and my body felt like lead. I worried that maybe I was getting another round of pleurisy.

But then I didn't feel quite as bad the next day so I didn't think much about it anymore. But today the chest pains are back and my stomach is misbehaving. I told my therapist about this and told her that I think I'm having another round of anxiety attacks. She disagreed with me, said I should see my doc as it could be something more since I'm having these problems for more than a couple of hours at a time.

I don't know. I think it would just be a waste of time and money. I honestly think I'm just having anxiety issues.

I actually remembered to take my list with me to my appt today. What good it did. I think we actually got to all the topics on my list, but no discussion or advice was given, so we'll see. She said she does want me to go back to my psychiatrist, not to see him, but his nurse practitioner. She said she will call her and talk to her, tell her what's going on with me. She said she wants me to see her so that she can manage my meds for me. Ummm, I'm not ON any meds at the moment. Just my blood pressure med, prescrip vit d, and an occasional trazadone when I haven't had sleep for a week or more.
I took myself off of the tegretol, lamictal, neurontin, and relafen. One doc took me off the effexor, another wants me back on it, I just said screw it. I take my prevacid only when my reflux disease feels like it is eating a hole through my throat and breast bone in the middle of the night. Let's see, that leaves the vit e, fish oil three times a day and an aspirin still not being taken either. I can't take all this crap prescribed to me, I won't have a liver left.

She is to call me with appt with the NP as soon as she talks to her. After I told her, again, the reasons for not wanting to see the doc, the whole meds messing me up thing, and then him asking me if I had fantasies about him, she has left me puzzled. She made a comment about something to do with maybe it explains some of his odd behaviors and ways of thinking. She said she wonders what/if something in his past makes him say/think some of the things he does. Well, now, doesn't that make you real comfy about seeing a doc like that?!?! not me. I won't. And who is the one that is crazy?!?!

Well, I have much much more I want to write about, but, I'm just rambling right now, that's because my mind is rambling. I would probably sit here and type all night the way my mind is on fast forward. SO I'm going to quit for now. My mind feels like I'm on one of those carosel thingys riding the horses, and it keeps getting faster and faster and I can't get off. What a mess.

Word of advice to lonely cops out there wanting to be the romantic, sweet guy, don't go chasing the girl you just gave a ticket to and leaving cutsie little notes on her windshield. At the end of the day you would probably be better off flirting with the waitress at the donut shop. At least she would probably have a better sense of humor. until later......




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