The Hearty Heart
2009-11-02 06:54:17 (UTC)

Appearances ! what a funny thing.

Some people claim that they don't care about appearances; they only care about what's inside. Honestly? What a load of crap. You can't simply rely on personality, when you don't even bother getting to know someone who looks as bad as I do. I mean, the only friends I ever managed to have are the ones who don't know what I look like (i.e the ones i meet online), or the ones who think the same thoughts as I do.

People WILL give you weird looks when you offer a smile when your eyes randomly meet on the skytrain. People WILL give you a weird look when you're in an Urban Planet store, because you obviously can't fit in their clothes. People WILL give you a weird look, just because. What is it that's so revolting? Is it my hair? My eyes? My face? My body? If you don't have something nice to say, please don't say it at all because it's pushing me into a dark side, and I'm losing sight of the breadcrumbs I dropped along the way. Simpler words? I'm falling fast, and I dont think I can find my way back to happiness.

Sometimes I feel so good about myself, for once. I go out feeling that ounce of confidence I never knew I had in me, but that one look from a stranger tells me that no, I was wrong to even think that. I've kept this in for so long; no one knows I'm like this, because apparently i'm so good at hiding it. I come so close to telling people sometimes, but something always stops me. I got so close once, but I pulled myself back because it felt like I was opening the flood gate to my soul, and I realized I didn't really want anyone in there yet. At least, it wasn't that person I wanted inside.