Emeline

For Once, the truth.
2011-12-23 03:47:34 (UTC)

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I havent wriiten in a long time. I just read over the things I wrote a while ago, and they are beautiful. It makes me smile. Everything I write is beautiful no matter how stupid I feel about things. So far things are going well in life, because I a deciding to keep my head up. I have to be honest, I should be worried about many things but I prefer not to. My bestfriend is falling apart and I am continuely hoping and praying she is okay, and I believe she will be. She told me the other day that she knows people care about her, but one day she may entirely ignore that fact and end up killing herself. I told her not to worry and to just let that day come if it must and deal with it then. You cant let the future worry you. So besides that I am okay with life. I am taking it one step and one day at a time. So that boy I mentioned in the other entries, he is officially now mine. He has been mine for 16 days now, and it feels beyond great. We have kissed already! And boy, his kisses make my heart sing. We actually hung out today. I went over to his house, suprised him at his door with his Christmas gift. He seemed to really like it. So after that I helped him make some food for his brother and him. We grabbed me and fell backwards on the sofa and took me down with him! Ah! So cute. We kissed a bunch of times and he held me in his arms for a long time. We also watched part of the Lion King. My mum was coming to pick me up and he turned off the movie, and we just layed in his bed together. Just like a married couple do. I think I could fall asleep in his arms if I could only stay over or something. Man, this boy is amazing. He told me he loved me today. Can you believe that? He loves me. I love him as well. To me, love is just an ezpression people use to describe their feelings that are beyond explainable to someone, and thats what it is to me. I dont actually know what "love" is. I definitely havent felt this way about a person though. Not at all. Whenever I leave his house, I feel like Ive been dreaming and I cant even believe anything that had just happened between us. My feelings grow for him, and I feel so comfortable around him. I feel like I belong in his amrs, at his house, and in his life. I wish I could see him more though and that we could go places togeter. We will one day! I know it. I am really in love with this relationship, Emeline. i cant explain it, but I havent ever felt this way with a human before. I feel like I dont need to hide anything or put on an act. I feel like I am free to be myself and to just relax. I really like this boy and if things continue on like this, I like one day I want to marry him. Im not trying to get to ahead of myself or anything but I dont know I feel it. I am too young to even be thinking about such a thing but I feel like he is beyond special and perfect to me. He understands me. He feels. When I look into his eyes, I see him looking at me and I feel their meaning and love, no lust. I love it. I am dreaming, I have to be. I am beyond happy. Nothing feels real. Nothing. I am happy with this boy. I cant wait to see him again. Why doesnt anything feel real? Why do I feel like weird? Why isnt my heart skipping beats anymore?
I am confused about that a little.
I know this boy feels for me. I can feel it and see it in his eyes, and eyes dont lie.




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