lust

My dirty little secrets
2011-12-15 05:21:12 (UTC)

Shame

Last night thinking about my ex and all the shit he was saying to me really made me sad. I really needed someone to talk to. Anyone really. My best friend is never there for me when I have these kinds of problems. He judges me too much. I end up holding things inside most of the time. Which isn't good. All those thoughts and emotions turn in to hate for myself. So then i get these thoughts of hurting myself. This isn't new to me. Iv done it before. I'm not proud of it. Well anyways last night i really wanted to. I kept thinking how it would make me feel better, the sigh of relief after seeing the blood. I deserve it. The feeling of the cold blade against my leg, the pressure i put on it to cut deep into the skin, the thoughts of you with her. I would rather deal with this physical pain then to deal with this blackening whole in my heart that you'v created. Why is it so frowned upon what i do to myself. Your the one who practically ripped out my heart and thought it was ok. Like I should be fine.


-M




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