Tell me something sweet to get me by.
2011-12-06 22:06:15 (UTC)

Basic update? Yep.

It's been a while, hey? A lot of shit's been going on.

One of the guys I like, let's call him PS, decided to ask out one of my best friends - who 1) knew I liked him and 2) decided to like him right after I told her I liked him. I love her to death, she's a fantastic friend. At school, I can't hang out with her anymore because she's always with him. I see them hugging and holding hands and leaning on each other and it just hurts. My heart aches and I just want to cry so hard. I'm terrified it's going to slowly kill our friendship. On the other hand, PS still likes the girl he liked before he asked my friend out. It's obvious he does. I don't think they'll last too long.

The other guy I like - let's just call him GR. GR knows I like him. I had to tell him who I like when I was playing truth or dare with him. I think he likes me too - he just hasn't let go of his exgirlfriend yet. He says I'm a lot like her psychologically. So, he always tells me about how he feels about his ex and how much he likes her and stuff and how pretty she is and I just want to say to him, 'You know what? I feel the same way about you and it's killing me just as much as it's killing you to see her with her boy.'

It's all a huge dilemma because I have a boyfriend. I'm back together with N. We're going good - things will patch up, I can tell. It's just stressful, knowing that I still like other guys while I'm dating him. I don't want to hurt him again.

On another note, I'm missing my middle brother like fuck. I'm going to wait until it's been a month since we've talked and I'm going to call him out on it. Tell him about me cutting. Tell him about my feelings. Tell him about how while he was off talking to whoever and ignoring me, I was doing all these things and he didn't care. I love him so incredibly much, but I just feel so uncared for by him now.

Speaking of cutting. I did it yesterday. Told my best friend. She wants me to tell my mom - which I'm not going to. If I ever do it again, she has permission to tell my mom. But I'm not telling her myself.

I guess that's it on the update of my life, Diary.
Thanks fer listenin'.