The Laughter Inside My Mind
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2011-12-02 01:11:00 (UTC)

Out of my hand

So i pretty much have him where i want him, but for some reason it is still lonely and doesn't really feel that good!
This is what i "wanted" but it's not!
Does that make sense? I think it's because i don't have him 100% the way i want him; yet i don't want him like THAT THAT because i know it's not meant to be like that!
Yea i know i make no sense but in my mind it does so bare with me!
I haven't wrote for awhile, but then again what is new right?
I want to be in love, but it seems that when i wish for it so bad i can't seem to find it! I'm not bad looking and I'm not fat FAT; yes i have more to love, but it kinda goes with me; I know I'll never be skinny!! Fuck it why should i care? Because i want someone to stop and stare when i walk in a room and smile and wonder who i am!! I want someone who is proud to have me on their arm and not look around the room ashamed to have me there! omg this makes me boil in anger thinking like this, i USED to have such confidence but that puny little puke that i love helped me feel like shit about myself; i need fucking help to get him out of my system; he's like a drug i need! to see his number on my cell gives me the rush i need; then i want him to be crushed!!! time to get some money from him; he gets paid tomorrow!! and two more times this month!! yea yea; daddy warbucks is about to give me 200.00 every pay check!!! mother fucker!!

Til next time,

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