Middle Child

It's been awhile

Hey, it's been awhile... yet again.

I'm so pooped today. I really don't like where I work and it's stressing me. I like that I'm able to provide for my family, but I wish I was earning my money at a place I love; a place I look forward to going every morning.

Dating is on my mind. Not so much my ex (yay!). I went on a date last Saturday night and it didn't end very well. It was cut short because I was having a mild anxiety attack. The guy probably thought I felt uncomfortable with him, but it wasn't that. That quickly brushed off my mind this afternoon when I was in the kitchen at work and the new guy came in to make his coffee. Ohhhh I'm smittened already hahaha, but I have a huge ginormous feeling that he's taken or married. He didn't introduce himself nor did he ask for my name- I spoke to him first, but then again he is new...

I've been talking to this guy my best friend tried hooking us up. I've been talking to him more often even though I'm not interested in him. Or am I? Nahhh. He's not my type, intellectually speaking. Very nice guy, respectful, family-man.

Tomorrow I'm going to see a psychiatrist for the first time.

My anxiety is going out of control and I can't handle it. I think I have a phobia of small, underground places and crowds. The other day I was stuck in an elevator and it was full of people- that wasn't fun. I hate taking the subway in the morning, but I force myself anyways. Hahahaha shit, I went on a date and I had anxiety and even cancelled a date a few weeks back! AND I knew the guy, he was my friend for years!

I'm fucked.

I need to change my thinking patterns; that's all I need.

I'm going to get a goodnight's rest tonight.

Bye