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2011-11-25 08:41:10 (UTC)

New Zealand Time.

Well... This is my first diary entry. I think I want to get everything off my chest for starters.
The last 6 months have been the most difficult of my 15 and 6 months. Losing the things that were most important to you is not a great feeling. Losing my best friend to the world of popularity, scum and liars was the worst thing ever. He gave me a better life. He sat me straight. He kept me out of drugs. He made me believe in myself. :''( now i'm crying. I had values and beliefs back then. I believed I could achieve. I was also very fit and had a nice body. I was proud that I lost weight and kept it off. My values were to not do drugs. I knew if I did our friendship would be gone. But since he left, why carry on? I only stopped for him. I was clean for 13 months. I gave in. But now I refuse to do it again. I will be a better person. Also after he left I put a hell of a lot of weight on. I have no motivation and I hate myself for that. Summer is coming but still I can't get up and run. Hmmm... Life sucks sometimes. He is not the only person I miss. I miss my Mum. I haven't lived with her for 5 years and now as a teenager it is certainly taking its toll. Not having someone to cry to when relationships and friendships get buggered up sucks balls. I also dislike the fact we barely talk much. Maybe I shouldn't be such a bitch and keep her locked out all of time, but we clash heads so much it drives me insane. And my brother. Will he ever grow up? Why can't he see I am trying to help him, and the fact I won't be there every time to back him up when he gets in trouble.
Awwww.. I know that if I threw my problems in a pile with everyone elses I would grab mine back, but these family problems really hurt and I would like them to stop.
wow. it's 9:40pm now.
From Kiwi Girl <3 xx