Time Flies

Tempis Fugit
2011-11-08 17:51:50 (UTC)

it's mutual

distrust much of the time comes from one's own reliability.

about two weeks ago, my wife tells me that she has to do this fundraising thing for my daughter's team. cool by me. The next day she tells me she thinks she is going to have to work with this woman she does not get along with... bummer for you... ya know. The next day she tells me that she gets an email telling her she has to work on Sunday and do the cleanup for the fundraiser. It is going to take a bit longer... but she insists that she did not sign up for that time slot.

So, a few days later, she tells me that it was her signature on that time slot. bummer. sorry to spaced is my thinking.

The morning of, I say, sorry you have to work with that woman, hopefully she will just be nice considering you have to be with her for like 4 hours straight. She then tells me that she is working with the father of this one girl. (I know they used to go to High School together and his wife does not trust my wife). Oh, ok... well that should be more pleasant is what I tell her... but at the same time I am confused about the switch.

After the fundraiser, she tells me she had fun. That the sold lots but she is not sure how much they made. The girls ran around the store trying to get people to purchase the stuff, so they were rarely at the table actually with my wife or the other girl's dad.

I know right there in the middle of the store there would be nothing going on... but really. My wife spends a lot of time at the gym working, and lots of time, not working, and not watching my daughter.

So... couple that with the odd things she is getting mad at me for lately... like, I forgot to put a pizza in the oven for her when she got home last night. I did feed myself Taco Bell though... 3 hours earlier. Considering I don't eat anything but cereal all day, pretty much everyday, that really should be forgiven. It is not though. She is not talking to me. Cold and distant.

The other part is that the house we live in is about to be placed in my name, and therefore 1/2 hers. So, she is going to have a chunk of assets to go on her business if she chooses to leave me... so I feel like she is weighing her options.

Not sure about the law, but a gift, given to one person is not applicable in a divorce. This house is a gift to me... therefore should not be applicable... but I'm not an asshole. She can have 1/2. The kids deserve it. Also, if this house is the only thing keeping her with me, then it is time to split anyway. I don't want that kind of marriage.

I tried to manipulate Rebecca eons ago. I kept myself emotionally distant and I was a jerk. I don't want to make that same mistake.

----

So, 2 nights ago I had this awesome dream... it was sooo full of love. I was just enjoying my arms wrapped around this woman while we slept... and of course I woke up alone.

Oh, I want to also write to keep record that a few nights my wife has decided to not sleep in our bed. She falls asleep on the couch and tells me that she sleeps better there. "Best night sleep I've had in 5 years or more"...

anyway, my dreams took me to a place where I was happy and content and loved unconditionally. My waking moments really are really quite different. we don't trust each other. Not sure what she does not trust about me... I am not flirting with women or checking them out... I am not the best husband, but I'm not a crap one either.




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