mandakins

Chapter One...
2011-11-02 17:55:34 (UTC)

Im tired of thinking about you.

When your first serious long-term relationship ends how are you supposed to take it? I will never forget the feeling I felt waking up every night, going to bed at night.. well any time I had to myself really was so down in a hole, I never thought being that depressed was that possible. The feeling of your stomach turning, the feeling of being alone when their are people all around you... Doing something you love and have loved all your life, and then realizing its not as fun because you dont have that someone their doing it with you...
So then two years later, you cant stop talking to them, pretending like your friends, still telling them everything and the other way around.... How are you supposed to feel then? Talking to them with these burning feelings that remain, when you know the other person doesnt feel the same way.. Its awful. What do you do??

My favorite part? When my family brings him up asking painful questions that I have to lie about and act like I dont care...
"So are you and ________ ever going to get married?"
"Are you and ________ ever going to date again?"
"Do you still like ___________"
"Are you still talking to him?"
"would you ever consider dating him again after what happen?"
All those are like painful blows, and its not their fault, is it mine?
I just cant force myself to burn the bridge, when I know it will be for the better... I wonder how I will fell when he gets a new girlfriend...for the second time, will I be devastated again?

Anyway thats just how I feel on that topic, On a lighter note, I have a new job at Afni! I start in December. Hello full time job.. this will help me save up for an apartment... car and school... One thing at a time though, I CANT WAIT!!

Dear Journal thing online,
You suck :)




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