silent thoughts........
2011-10-02 09:06:02 (UTC)

Long time between rants

Omg im back , i had forgotten all about this site until the other day when i came across it in a search. I had all but forgotten about the things i had written all those years ago.
Sadly alot did change but my life is still not a happy one , my own fault again . I ended up splitting with my partner , found out he was having an affair , whole other family she was pregnant with his child,it blew me totally out the water , funny as i read some of my other entries i did know something was happening , i was too scared it was the truth, i tried to leave him straight away , he was my life , all i knew since the age of 17, i was 30 when we split, as a departing gift i was left pregnant myself , knowing straight away that i was going to raise my child with our other 3 kids with love and all i could give with or without him in my life.
Life was hard it took a long time to get him out my system and to believe that i was better off on my own, i fell into his traps and loving words , listened to the sweet nothings whispered in my ears, but thats all they were , nothing. I took that final stand and said no more !!!!!
So after giving birth to our son , which the father did attend , it was something that i couldnt take away from him , well i could but yet i didnt .
I have since then forgiven all that was done and am now friends with my ex and his g/f , funny how life turns out , shes my best and would probably say only friend i have . Dont get me wrong i have people i know but its not the same as a friend.
I have lost many people i have loved over the years , my Uncle to Cancer,my Nanna the same year, and other nan who had cancer but went into remission yaahhhhhhhh.. How i miss them dearly , but im sure and hope they are all watching over me, protecting and guiding me into the right directions.
My life to this day is still empty , i long to have someone to love again one day , i often sit back and hear or see of people who have fallen in love again and are liviong happily, its been nearly 8 years for me and yet nothing in the slightest, but then having a life may help that.
My life consists of my kids 3 whom are adults and doing there own things, my 7 yr old son , who is my angel, he came to me in my darkest days and made me see the light again my life was lived for him .
These days i have the dramas of my family , my mother whom im ashamed off, my brother who knows no thing but wrong , my aunt caring for her mother in the ways she can best.
There is so much to go over and i feel drained already i will return with more, eventually .... xxxxxx