kettamine

kettamine
2011-09-15 13:22:08 (UTC)

It's hard...

It's hard to listen to someone that you love so much say things like, "I hate my life". He has really been having problems with work...and baseball...and those are two really big things to him and it is really getting to him. He asked me last night if I ever get tired of watching him be the failure on the team. And he says that something has to break...and he has to do well at something in his life. He says he fails miserably at everything he tries to do. And then he says...multiple times..."I hate my life.".
Now, I would like to believe that he is not including me in that statement...but honestly...it does include me. He is a huge part of my life and I would like to imagine that I am a big part of his...and its hard to hear him say that.
First of all, I would like to throw out there that he is NOT a bad baseball player...by any means. He just really has NO luck when it comes to the game. He is one of the smartest baseball minds on his team...He knows what should and shouldn't be done. He has just had bad luck lately. I am never anything but proud when I am there to watch him...and I would and happily do tell anyone who asks, which one is mine. He is just extremely hard on himself.
When he says things to me like that...I try to just listen and not offer opinion. The reason being...really...no matter what I say to him...it's not going to change what is going on in his head...and maybe his heart. I could sit there and tell him that I don't see him as a failure at all...that when I look at him...what I see is the most amazing man in the world. I see someone who has such a love for the game of baseball that even when the chips are down for him...he gives it everything he has. I see a man who when he doesn't have his best game...it affects him...because he doesn't want to let the team...himself...or the game down...because he cares. I see someone who has such an unfailing loyalty to a team who has never had that same loyalty to him, just because he is that kind of man. I see someone who is doing a job that is difficult for him...a job he was not and is not trained to do...and he makes it work. He gets through it. Now those facts don't make it an EASIER for him...and his stress level...but those facts to me prove that he is no where near a failure. Because to me...I think he should be measuring his success by the kind of man he is...the way he is viewed by the people in his life...and the way he views the way he should live his life. He is amazingly loyal...strong...he has so much character...he is just a great man. Why can't he measure his success based on those things? I can tell you that I have never met a man that I have more respect for than I do him...doesn't THAT count for something? But yet he bases his successes in life on his baseball stats...and his 9-5. I wish that he would see that there is so much more to being a success in life than that. I view myself as a success in life because I have two amazing kids...I have a great relationship with my family...I have an absolutely amazing man in my life. To me...just having his love makes me a success. With the type of man he is...having him love me will always be a great achievement to me. Might sound corny...but its true. He is that kind of guy.

Honestly all those statements do is make me feel like I need to work harder...work harder to make him see the man I do...damn it...I just want him to be happy...I want to make him happy...




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