K

hummmbug
2011-08-31 10:05:03 (UTC)

Wish for someone to talk to.

I wish I had someone to talk to. I mean really talk to. I don't want to make small talk with people anymore or pretend that I'm okay. I'm not okay, and I haven't been for a really long time. I feel like crying all the time; I'm tired of smiling and caring about other things or being the person to help everyone else. I want to be fixed for once. I don't want to feel broken anymore. I don't want to feel devestated or like I'm on the verge of a heart attack. I want to be happy. I don't know how to describe this feeling anymore. It's more than being depressed. It's the fact that I don't even want to have the will to fight this or go on with this charade. I just want one person to understand. Not someone who fakes it. I want to meet at least one genuine person who truly understands what pain means. What it means when you're so far down in the hole that you can't even think about where to begin climbing up. What it means when your chest is locked up every single day and you can hardly catch your breath. What it means when you smile at everyone and everything-only to avert your eyes for fear of someone finding out. But no one notices. No one bothers to. What it means to feel so lonely, so alone; to not have the ability to trust anyone because everyone has screwed you over. I want someone to understand. I want someone genuine that I can talk to. And I don't think I'll ever find someone or meet someone like that.




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