xxjadeyxx

hurt
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Ezoic
2011-08-25 18:11:24 (UTC)

Long time, no see

Righht, gosh haven't written in here since april, so 4 months?
okay so obviously things have changed a lot, for the better.

Firstly, a certain prick (Alex) is no longer in the picture, we don't have any contact what so ever and i guess i didn't realise it when we were together but i really am better off without him. Apparently he's off smoking, doing drugs and drinking so while he's off ruining his life i'm making mine just that little bit better each day.

Since i last wrote in here i've also started going out with Adam, he wasn't mentioned really in previous entries but he was one of my best friends and even though i didn't realise it until a couple of days before we started going out, i guess i did have feelings for him but i can admit that i didn't think we'd end up together because we were just friends. So happy i decided to give it a try though, because the result is amazing. He makes me genuinely happy, to the point that just thinking about him can make me smile, and a lot of people have seen the difference. Just talking to him can make my day, and i know i probably sound like some lovey gushy foolish teenager but i don't care, he's perfect to me and i really love him.

I've also realised recently how supportive some of my friends are, and even though i'm sure none of them really realise it but by just being there they keep me sane and together when things seem hard. One day i hope i can thank them all enough.

I mean i know this might seem like lifes all perfect, i mean sometimes it seems like it but i still haven't quite overcome everything that i need to. I don't really talk about this but i haven't yet stopped self harming, i can't explain why that is but i guess by admitting it thats a step in the right direction. Sometimes i think its an actual issue, because sometimes even thinking about it can set it off, i just can't get the idea out of my head until i give in and just do it. A couple of months ago i had a bruise on my arm, originally a small bruise about the size of the tip of my finger was caused by my brother, i continuiosly hit myself until it turned into a much bigger bruise, no one really knows that though. I think i want to stop, because of how much it can affect things, i just hope that it doesn't hurt anyone else except me because i know i've let people down by giving in so easily, i'm sorry.

My mum had her operation last week, i got really upset the couple of days before but shes gonna be okay, shes back home now and still tries to keep her spirits up, i'm actually really proud of her and her progress, i just hope it continues.

I hope this was a big enough catch up, but for now i'll be going. x


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