z2smith

z2Smith
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2011-08-22 17:28:52 (UTC)

Glad to be back online

Glad to be back online after such a long time offline. I am older and wiser
It was my birthday recently and our wedding anniversary and the cards she bought me are consistent. I am a brilliant husband etc

It is just that in my head I can’t just fully trust her again. I have tried as I know it is dangerous as I can begin to read meaning to the simplest of innocent actions. There are examples of things I have seen or noticed that can be read both ways ( a story for another time). I just want to force myself to look forward and assume that she is not still engaging with her boss in whatever shape or form. It is the worst thing ever….a living nightmare …those thoughts. I wish I could be free from them. On the flip side I don’t want to be this stupid husband who can’t see that his wife is not fully honest.

I also feel very lonely. My wife doesn’t get it when I say I need some TLC. What I really need is deep reassurances only she can give but she says…what has changed? I was happy with her setup ½ years ago. I want to say to her that “Darling what has changed is that I am having these thoughts that you are shagging someone else”….but from my experience things like that are better not said. To be fair on her she doesn’t really disturb me on my movements, phone calls etc she doesn’t dare ask anything like that. I even did not buy her an anniversary card (not on purpose, just logistics) and she hasn’t complained about it. It is like she is too busy at work to even noticed that I am so lonely and crying out for help. I just need to be cuddled and hugged. More so that I have gone off sex with her in the last 2/3 weeks probably because most times (week days) she is very tired anyway so may be subconsciously my body has adapted. I want to be loved, wanted, pampered etc and get those thoughts out of my head.

May be I should now concentrate on other things that make me happy…my kids, business, career, God etc

Sometimes I think meeting someone else will def distract me but I can’t keep up with all the deceit and hiding stuff…to much hassle. I just want to have a good time with my wife.


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