K

hummmbug
2011-08-13 16:00:11 (UTC)

Talent is Sexy

Okay, so honestly I find talent and passion super sexy. I mean someone who actually loves what they're doing and doesn't care what anyone thinks, and is good at it- that's hot. Like R. He has so much talent on the guitar (singing I don't know, I've only heard him sing on skype and it was mediocre.). But I mean, I just melted.

I've also discovered that looks always come second to me. I mean, of course they matter some what because you have to be physically attracted to someone, but I'm really not superficial. I fall for what's in the persons heart and how they feel versus their appearance. As long as they are hygenic. Talent is sexy and hot to me. Probably the number one turn on besides the kissing and sucking on my neck. Mmm.

I can't stop thinking about B. I want to talk to him so badly. I wonder if he misses me and is thinking about me. Probably not. He's back home and has honestly probably already moved on. Or has gone to meet another one of his girls. I still cannot believe everything that happened. It seems so sureal to me. And I'm hurting so bad. I don't cry all the time, I don't even act depressed, but it's there. I can't really feeling anything for R. yet because I'm so numb. I'm hurting so bad and I don't know how to fix this. I'm still in love with B. and I just don't want to be. We're never going to be together, I can't allow us to be together. I know that. But I want to be with him so badly. Why did he make me fall in love with him, and then break me into a million different pieces? How could you do that to someone? And I know he loves me. So why? I can't understand and that kills me too. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. I need to tell R. because it's not fair to him for me to lead him on and make him think that I'm head over heels for him. Although I never told him that, but he's head over heels for me. :/ I don't know. Maybe I'll tell him on skype tonight. I'd still like him for a friend though, he's a really cool guy. And maybe one day we could date, but not right now. Because I'm still comparing everything to B. Everything. R. doesn't kiss right because it's not B. He doesn't hug right, hold my hand right, cuddle right, even joke around with me right because he's not B. He doesn't even get my sense of humor completely like B. did. Maybe I'm also not giving him a chance. But he's not B. And I want B. Or the person I though B. was. I'm confused. I do want B. But I'm not going to be with him because he hurt me so badly.

Got to go. The four year old woke up and he needs my attention. I have to make him go potty. He's peed his pants twice in the five days I've been here. Damn.




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