Jan

My life in the making
2011-08-07 05:19:45 (UTC)

I've never felt like this before. I hope never again

...Oh dear God.
I'm not over Diego... I wish I could safley say I was but i'm not. His picture breaks my heart. I want to talk to him again I don't even know what happened to us and I really have to rant off before I go insane. I mean my heart aches for him he was... he was everything I needed everythign I wanted and then all the sudden, he was gone.... me and him no more. I mean he was special to me. I don't know, what if we do start talking again. I don't know I don't know theres not a day that goes by that I don't miss him. Its not like Scott, I fucked that one up myself. But Diego, I didn't do anything so theres nothing there to regret.But the pain and heart break is to bad to handel. Like.. I've never felt this way before. My wrist is acheing.. but i'm not going to go to it. The razor blade is over there I could do it and get away with it I coudl but i'm not. I'm going to be strong...... BUT NO ONE IS GORGEOUS I MEAN DAMMIT. I use to find people attractive but after I met Diego nobody has him beat i mean what happened thats all I want to know but i'm not going to ever find out because what am I suppose to do ask him? I mean Uhgg. I should just pray I mean at the first page, it seemed like we were meant to be because of everything, me praying and getting his number right but then this happens what is the lesson to learn? There really isn't one I mean I don't know. I, i don't know. I wish I knew. But I don't. His smile was so heart melting now its heart pelting my heart hurts and I have fucking chill bumps. I looked at Ricks he doesn't even have anything on Diego. Brad doesnt either and I want to like other people but Diego keeeps popping into my head....

I don't know what to do............
But if I did, i'd do it.




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