dissaster waiting to happen.

I dont write because I mean it.
2011-08-05 19:01:11 (UTC)

My Baby

Today I had to call Michael. I've needed tot alk to him for some time now but I had to call him today because I was trying to find his sister. I needed to tell her she had no warrenty on her phone - and that she needed to use the insurance to get a new one.. we've been talking (Me and Nikki) about her options since then but something happened.
Michael still sounds like its nothing to talk to me. So I'm assuming he's putting up a good show or he's really fine. I'm thinking he's fine since he cheated and he's the one who friggin left me - but what happened;

"So, Do you wanna see the baby?"

He asked if I wanted to see the cat we shared before he pawned her off on a shelter.. She's on a waiting list to be put IN to the shelter and when that happens she'll be gone forever and he asked if I wanted to see her. I didn't intend to ask about her - I forgot about her before I called so I wouldn't accidentally ask too. But he brought it up and as nice of a gesture that is all I coudl say is "I've lost too much in the last few months - I don't think i could handle saying goodbye to her... she was my baby... and now she's going to be gone" and then I said I had to go cause I was crying too hard to talk.
It was nice of him to ask. but it was a stab in the heart.. he's just giving her away - he has to I'm sure and I can't take her either but of everything he's done - this may be the worst.
despite whether he has control of it or not I'll hate him for it - because she's only a baby still and she's my baby so I don't see why he can't just get rid of one of the dumb cats his parents has no one even likes - and keep the baby. but then it was such a huge part of our relationship why would he keep her - it would be like holding on to a piece of me, I guess... BUT at the same time people keep their kids when they get divorced so why can't he keep the damn cat?! they're all living creatures and I've loved her more than a lot of PEOPLE in my time - - so.. *sigh* I don't know what to do or how to feel. I'm just --- crapped.
I also noted it would mean seeing him and I definately can't handle that. I realize when they bring the washing machine and the dryer to my house I'm going to have to see him but for fuck's sake - that'll be the last time I see him, hopefully! LAST TIME.. and I'm already prepared enough for that to only cry till I have two or three mini strokes but -- geesus... to say goodbye to my baby while looking at him knowing what he's doing who he's with and where he's been OMG I'd just go home and kill myself!

and I don't want that...




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