Hailey

The Cutting Diary
2011-07-13 04:23:10 (UTC)

18

July 12th, 2011 11:23 PM

Well, I made it, I'm 18 now. It's nothing special really, birthday's have never been a big thing for me. Nothing particularly good ever happens on my birthday, it's just a day.

This one is supposed to be "special", but so were 13, and 16, and those didn't do much for me. It's weird though, because at midnight I looked at the clock and remembered where I was at this moment two years ago. I remember when the clock struck 12 AM when I turned 16, I secretly wished to myself that things would turn around for the better, like it does in the movies. Nothing got better, or course, but it was still a nice wish.

But all we did for my birthday was watch Harry Potter movies with my sister and went to Pei Wei with Daddy and Jess. Oh, and we had to put one of the cats down, happy birthday!

I swear this entry relates to cutting. I'm getting there.

It relates because earlier I was listing off all of the things I could now do as a legal adult. I can vote, I can buy cancer sticks, and I can buy a piece of paper that may win me some money (although lighting striking me down, twice, is more likely to happen). I shared these with my mother, but two I kept to myself. One was that I can now watch/buy porn, and the other is, if I get hurt, a doctor can't inform them that their are self-inflicted wounds and scars on my body.

Now I'm not 100 percent sure, but I think the whole "doctor patient confidentiality" goes out the window when you are a minor. The doctor tells your parents everything, even before telling you. So if I slipped and broke my leg, I'm pretty sure the doctor would tell my mom in a heartbeat that her daughter is a lunatic.

But now I'm 18, legally, I don't need Mommy and Daddy to hold my hand anymore, so the doctors can't tell them shit. I'm safe, I'm free. The worst the doctor could do is recommend therapy. He/she would immediately send me to the psych ward because that's only if they think you are suicidal, and none of my cuts look anywhere bad enough for them to think that.

Is it sick that this is what makes me most excited to be 18?? I don't think so, because now I feel a little safer. The closer I get to freedom, the closer I get to happiness.




Ad: