OMG Really?
2011-07-03 14:56:57 (UTC)

Adult content ok?

I'm new to this diary website. I have no idea if i can be graphic.

I feel like such a whore. i used to be like this when i was 15 to 18. stop it!! i'm in love with a guy thats bad for me and i cant leave him. but because i dont live with him i have been looking for someone else. durin g my search over the past 2 weeks i have has sex with 4 men. one being the guy that is bad for me. AND one woman along with her husband at the same time. what in the world am i doing really? none of this will make me feel better and I know it. makes me feel like a freak. well these actions usually do mean freak in anyones book. or whore. i love sex a lot. even bad sex is kinda good. like pizza, lol.

a little part of the good me...
ive been through a lot with drugs, crime, prison and just a hard life. i have a wonderful job now that i have been at for over 7 years and have worked my way up. my work lets me help people who have suffered through the same junk and offer hope. I am a really sweet caring person. i am a good mother and his father and i get along great.

ok, on with the show...
i have met a wonderful man that really likes me. he is a slow roller though. takes his time in relationships. he is 12 years older. the slow ness really scares me cuz i hate being alone. i am available anytime to him so i find myself waiting around a lot. and while i am waiting and unsure if he really wants to see me i am fucking around. we have not talked the talk about if we are to be exclusive to each other. not that i am going to tell him anything about sex with other men. i want to be exclusive with this new guy but things are moving really slow. maybe i should slow it down and relax a bit. i usually like it after i spend time alone once i force myself. but this other guy who is bad for me will flip the fuck out if he knew i was planning to leave him. not just planning but seeing someone else. i think i will just tell him i want to leave him to be alone would be better. alone and spend more time with friends. i think guys take it better when you arnt leaving them for another guy. it will be painful eithr way for the both of us.

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