Jack's Twisted Kingdom
some, or most people I know give(gave) up on me as much as I do(did) on them, it's a matter of importance, a measure of integrity for myself that no matter if they(I) did(do), that should something, no matter how small comes up, or might, that I could be there in some small capacity. It's a philosophy of mine, I don't eat the golden rule, I don't drink from the same cup as others do or might. lines. draw them in the sand, and see if any cross it. I do, and watch, hoping to be wrong, but I'm so often, not, it's a small comfort hoping for anything else.
there are a handful of people I will never, cease speaking to. or wanting in my life, even in the periphery. jen, fern, mandy, shea, john, nadine. I speak so rarely to them, if at all, weeks, months go by without a word, even a year or more in one or more cases. but I can say a thing, hello, how are you, and we speak as if we'd never stopped. this is important. to me. perhaps it is unfair to expect it. but I am there for them as much as, even if they are not for me, I would rush the battlements should it be required. once someone befriends me, I am theirs for life, lest some betrayal, or thing come between us, aside from time that is. aside from time.
Time flies. things fall. and we continue on. I haven't talked to John Scallen in ages, years even, but he's on my facebook, I held aloft my hand in earnest friendship, hoping perhaps to mend those broken fences, he re-friended me, but hasn't uttered a word since. am I to give up? merely delete him from my f-list? I could I suppose. but if I deleted everyone off my f-list I rarely speak to, it's not that I dont want to speak to anyone, it's that I have hardly a thing to say that isn't divisive, whiney, or some thing I'm inclined to rant about. so I say little anymore, few if anyone wants to hear what I have to say anyways. besides, I'd have almost no one on it if I tossed them all to the wayside. people come and go, the become important, and not, they are measured and weighed. some evenly, some lightly, some heavily, some earnestly, some lasciviously, some with wanton abandon. one must balance that which he or she needs and wants, with what truly matters.
that is the lesson. tempus fugit.