lilv13t402

Memories
2011-06-28 06:46:39 (UTC)

June 28, 2011 - How Do I Feel?

Dear Diary,

Recap-------?

May 24, 2011 -
[112th -- 129th but 27th]
Registered for SSCC classes.
Psychology Lifespans 200 & Microbiology 260.

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May 25, 2011 -
[113th -- 130th but 27th]
Oppa,
Janie loves you. Don't let me fool you. I have been stressed out a lot lately. Im not the type of person to handle stress very well. I overthink things.. A lot of things. Today, I even dared to doubt every single one of your actions. I must be out of my mind. But my little voice tells me, "trust him." I kept up to that little voice.

The other thing bothering me is school related. Im very stressed out. Classes, research papers.. concert, money.

We might have to celebrate our 11month at home. So sad.. But whatever I do with you, I know I'll always be happy and I know you would be too.

There are so many things I want to tell you and so many things I'm holding inside right now. And that is why I'm shaking from fear of judgment from you that I dont dare say anything. Im stupid when Im in love.

I wish summer was here already so I could relax my noggin. sighhh.

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May 26, 2011 -
I got jealous... One thing that struck me as most interesting that my friend had asked me.. "You've gone out for that long and you're just now jealous??" Why am I this way? :(

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May 27, 2011 -
[114th -- 131st but 28th]
Our air flower bloomed.

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May 28, 2011 -
[115th -- 132nd but 28th]
Stressed out. :(

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May 29, 2011 -
Oppa is finishing his homework to come play with me tomorrow. Yay!! ^^

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May 30, 2011 -
Hung came to my house for lunch. :) We watched Loving You 1000 Times. Yay! ^^

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May 31, 2011 -
[116th -- 133rd but 29th]

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June 2, 2011 -
Slept for only 2 hours. Drove to Tori's house at 6am, drove to UW and got there at 7am. Typed our Jewish essay until 1:20pm. Made it to the drop box by 1:30pm. Went to dress rehearsal for choir. Drove to Burien at 4:15pm. Picked up Tori's music sheets, picked up Hung,.. Drove back to UW and made it by 6pm. CHOIR CONCERT!!! ^^ Finished at 9pm. Got home at 10pm. What a dayyyy!!! I wish life would always be this exciting except.. I wish gas was free for my car. :( And oh oh oh! I think Hung looks nice when he dressed in dress shirts. ^^ It's a good style on him.

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June 3, 2011 -
11 months ♥

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June 4, 2011 -
Sick to my stomach..stressed out, and still jealous.. && my decision.. I might decide to drop out of UW for the time being and start my Nursing at a community college.

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June 6, 2011 -
[117th -- 134th but 29th]
Philosophy exam... sighh.

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June 7, 2011 -
His first day driving on the road.. alone. Omg.... I'm scared.

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June 8, 2011 -
[118th -- 135th but 30th]
Statistics exam... omg... sighhh.

Oh and.... hehehehe MEXI Word of the day.

ENTICE:
I lub it when my chick gets a little rough sometimes. I like it when she blindfolds me ENTICE me up.

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June 10, 2011 -
Idk what I do wrong to her... she needs to STFU. Telling me shit.. I gave her the checkbook. What fucking more does she want? And now she wants me to write them!? FUCKing dumb shit I swear.. Why would she start a fucking argument when it's all going to be the same way it was before with me writing the damn fucking checks?! And her blaming me for taking her money when I didn't even take a single fucking penny of hers!? UGHH!

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June 11, 2011 -
Attended a Chinese wedding. It was... different. Lol. Somehow I became the chauffeur of the night. Lol

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June 13, 2011 -
We never got to couple dress... :(
But, we got to hang out with almost everyone especially Jonas! Misuki Buffet! Southcenter mall!! It was a good time :)

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June 16, 2011 -
Mini celebration for Hung and Lina's birthday. Did some errands and then picked up Jonas and Alex.. We decided to rent a movie at the Red Box called, "No Strings Attached".
I think we rented for the sake of the fact that there are sex scenes.. and the guys liked that. LOL. But something triggered for me in the movie. About what the main girl said about the throat-tightening feeling of commitment and all of the things that come with it..

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June 18, 2011 -
[119th -- 136th but 30th]
We went to get eye exams and glasses together. Lol. :)

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June 20, 2011 -
[120th -- 137th but 30th]
Loving You 1000 Times Day!!! :)

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June 22, 2011 -
[121st -- 138th but 30th]
One of our biggest argument in which we never really came to a conclusion. All I know is.. his feelings are given to me but I am uneasy of outliers. As a woman, I don't feel comfortable at all. How can he expect this of me? If he put himself in my situation.. wouldn't he feel the same?

If a guy called me sweetie, sweet heart, cutie,.. held me by the arm, touched my hair, whatever.. How would he feel?! I am a considerable person, but to an extent of what I can tolerate. I can't stand this feeling. I can't get rid of it. How can I suppress it when what I feel cannot be stopped because of this overpowering feeling of not wanting to lose someone and at the same time not wanting to share something I don't want to. I'm selfish but isn't that a part of loving someone? I can trust him but what about the people around him? People who I don't know.. people who I only know through what he interacts with them.. What I see.. what I hear.. what I feel about what see and hear.. What do I do?

Song of the day: The Story of Us - Taylor Swift
this quote in the song struck out to me, "I've never heard silence quite this loud." That's what we both feel.. That's how I feel when I have nothing to tell him except when the thoughts go through my head as he tells me how he feels.. Makes me cry even more as I'm trying to answer him.

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June 23, 2011 -
[122nd -- 139th but 30th]
Went to Bellevue... :(

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June 24, 2011 -
[123rd -- 140th but 30th]
Got to catch up with Cris again! So happy to see her again. Although her relationship is at ups and downs right now.. I feel like I can relate a lot of my problems with her's. Except.. There's one thing I haven't asked her or told her..

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June 25, 2011 -
Picked up my glasses with Babe. Yayyy!!! ^^

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June 27, 2011 -
[124th -- 141st but 31st]
First day of being back at SSCC felt great. I love being back!! ^^

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June 28, 2011 -
I love him.

-jh




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