Phillip Wilson

Amazingly, I survived my Life
2011-09-08 00:00:04 (UTC)

1977 REVIEW (PART FOUR)

10 June (Friday), Childersburg, Al (continues)


I went back in the store and told Mike Hussey that we would have to keep the car there and walk home for a spare key. He said he would not "toll it away." Mike had stopped to talk with me, anyway. I was hoping to tell his dadddy, Herman, who owns the store, and Leslie and I was standing by the check-out where he was working, but, being in a hurry, I told Mike.
I don't even remember what Mike said to me.
Donny was leaving the store and told me Keith had the checks.
We started to Joyce's and I was hoping Claude was already home. It was a silent walk. Jouce walked in front, and I didn't want to have to converse with her, I couldn't even say I was sorry.
What had caused this stupid mistake? I have always checked before locking he trunk? Was my mind so pre-occuppied with the trip and re-establishing my career that I wasn't thinking? Ot was it because of Wednesday morning's outside walk in my underwear; around 9:00 A.M., a young lady, and a kid, was walking towards Minor Terrace. I walked along the front sidewalk to the side of the house and back in my panties. I almost did a 'walk' today.
Whatever the reason, when I got to Joyce's house, I went in and got my key to Mama's house - all the pockets in the black LEVI'S I were earring were 'Holy,' so I had left it there - and went immediately home. I told Mama. Claude wasn't home, yet.
I really don't feel bad about what happened. I just wish they hadn't rubbed it in. Mr. Salloway was driving pass on 8th Avenue, to go home, and when he stopped to asked what was happening, Mama told him the "Phil locked the keys in the trunk." She could have said "We locked . . ." or "The keys got locked . . ."
While watching THE GREAT AMERICAN COWBOY, a documentary about Rodeo - half-ass watching -, about 7:45 P.M., a local news bulletin (Channel 6) announced that James Eark Ray, the convicted killer of Martin Luther King, Jr., escaped from prison. In about five minutes, A.B.C. had a news break about it. Ray was one of five to go over the wall of an East Tennessee Prison. A sixth one was captured. We all wondered if Claude had come across any of these escapeds, for he was coming from this area.
Around 8:15 P.M., Claude arrived home. Joyce met him on the porch with the situation.
I had gone back to Joyce's around 6:45 P.M. Mama had called and talked me into returning, and apologizing to Joyce. In a few minutes she called again to tell me to bring over some hot dogs, buns, and sour Kraupt.
Joyce and Claude were gone fiften minutes. Mama and I was wondering what had happened.
On arriving back home, Joyce told Mama that Herman and wife Sue was still at the "Big Star." Herman was kind enough to swap the, by-then spoiled, milk, frozen potatoes, and 2 kinds of Pizzas (4 small ones for Leslie, one big one for me). I must thank him for this.
I could tell by Claude's face that this incidence pissed him off. He ad Joyce had already argued previously about Mama and I spending more time with her and David then she and David did with his Mama and kin. This is why I dreaded Claude's knowledge of the mistake: It gave him a supportve argument for his side.
I did apologize to him before leaving that night, and once again to Joyce after she let Mama and I out, with our groceries.
Around 7:15 P.M., Leslie and I had stopped playing Frisbee throw on Mama's request, smook away from Sport, and walk to see if the car was o'kay in the parking lot. Then we went by the Police Station and told the desk cleck (black female) about the car and plaese don't haul it off.
On the way home, via the hill and 6th Ave., S.W., Keith pull up (from the opposite direction) onhis Triumpt 650 Motorcycle, and handed me my check, We talked about five minutes, then he left.
Joyce had earlier called Floyd & Beasley, and was informed that Claude was en route from Tennessee. This was around 5:45 P.M. No telling what time he would get in. Mama has just beflre called me at home to say that I would have to wait by the car, starting around 7:15 P.M., but she called back and said forget it.

11 June, Childersburg, Al

Early morning dream: I was with a circus, working Clown. But the problem was that I was sleeping through all the shows. I would do my best to stay awake, but I couldn't. Jeff (Carson & Barnes Circus) was there.
For some reason or other, I was going to move my stuff to a house; I would live here and also travel with the Circus, at the same time! The location seem to be the area by the Watwook School.

12 June, Childersburg/Birmingham/Tuscaloosa/Fayette, Al

I joined Steve and Mary around noon. They had come for me in the camper at the Tuscaloosa Greyhound Bus Station.
Around 8:30 A.M., I had boarded a Trailways bus in front of Veasy's Auto Supplies in Childersburg. At approx 9:40 A.M., I arrives at the Birmingham Trailways Station. Upon calling Greyhound, I was informed that a bus left for Tuscaloosa at 10:15 A.M. There were no cabs parked on the side or in the front, so I called "Yellow" Cab. It wasn't that I was too lazy to walk; with my luggage I would never make the 7 blocks in time.
I waited outside, and a "United" Cab pulled up to the side. I took it and the Hell with Yellow Cab. They had mess up my travel many times before.
$1.50 got me to Greyhound.
$3.85 bought me a ticket to Tuscaloosa. It was 10:00 A.M. when I checked my Samsonite 2-suiter. I called Robert and talked a short while. The Tent Crusade was on, the last part of July or the first part of August.
The bus, to be in Zone 6. wasn't in yet, so I purchased a Sunday "Birmingham News." I went back out to the Zone 6 area, sat on a baggage cart, and read the paper, waiting on the bus. Before I could get a good start on reading, the bus arrived. The driver, upon departion from the bus, told us to go get a seat.
In five or ten minutes, he came to the back of the bus, checked the Bathroom, and then began ticket-taking. He jokingly asked, "Has he got a ticket?," referring to my burlap bag of supplies (costume, props, rain boots, etc.)
We soon 'took off.
The only sexual pervison I demostrated was to unzip my fly and sit where a good view could be had. I young, white girl (19-20) went in the restroom and when she returned to her seat, she would see into my fly.
I had second thoughts, though. I zipped up before this gem came out of the bathroom.
I was sitting on the left side, aisle seat. I was parrallel with the restroom door.
I had been told by Steve and Mary that they would be staying at David O'Haran's apartment. After I had retrieved my baggage at the Tuscaloosa Station, I dialed the number that corresponded to 'O'Haran, David Forester Gardens Apts.' A male voice, probably David's, answered. I asked to speak to Steve or Mary Holt. Steve's voice took over the other end.
They made a comment about my amount of baggage, especially when I said I had brought my costume.
The three of us went over to Reagin and Sally Brown's for hot dogs. I knew Reagin from the Weslet Foundation. He was now the Minster at Forest Lake Methodist Church in Tuscaloosa. It had been about five years since I had seen him. Of course, I have never met his wife, Sally.
The Brown's had an all black, Labodor Retriever, female, named Jubilee. Even though a puppy, it stood about 2 1/2' high.
I was able to add a lot to the conversation. Reagin asked me where I planned to go when I left Steve and Mary, and I said Chicago, and make mentioned of the Baha'i temple. He did not respond to the word Baha'i. Steve must have warned him that I had become Baha'i. I have no idea what Reagin thought of the Faith.
It was between 2 and 2:30 P.M., when we departed from this place. And it was hot outside!
We then went shopping at Food World. I contributed 10 bucks to the total.
Back to the O'Haran apartment to fetch the 2 pillows that Mary forget to take upon their departure.
David and daughter, Heather (age 3) was walking along the sidewalk near the stairs to his apartment. We saw them as we were ascending them. Mart went ahead with her knocking, and enterred on the appropriate reply. I was introduced to David and Heather.
In the apartment, I met his wife (whose name escapes me at the moment), Jimmy, another young gen, and Anthony, David's son (approx. 5 years of age).
I was so bored withe the conversation that latter developed. A point was never carried out. Historical fact after fact was juggled around Jimmy was the main nonsence talker. I was glad to leave that place. It was around 4:30 P.M. when we headed for Fayette, Alabama, to a farm.
When we arrived at the farm of friends, they were on the back porch. Rusty and Doris Amater. The porch was near tear-down.
This couple reminded me of backwards, country people. But I latter found at the Rusty was a Mental Heath counslor with a Master's Degree. He had worked at Bryce's and had known Steve.
Doris and Mary had attended Nutrition classes together.
There were 1 dog, 2 cats, 5 kittens, 3 goats, 1 guinea pig, and 5 or 6 Chickens, plus a pony and a garden. It was a big farm. Iwning a form was a dream with Rusty, more or less a hobby.
Daughter Kakler, around 9 years, appeared soon, as did Brian, Doris's brother (16). Brian was living with them while attending a Math Summer School.
Talk here was only slightly more interesting
We met some of the farm animals. Rusty took Steve and I on a tour of a part of the land. A black, relatively old, ricky, pick-up truck was used in traversing this terrain.
It was announced that Homebrew was available. It had been contained in Pepsi bottles. It wasn't cold, yet, so nobody really drank much.
If course, I didn't drink.
Somehow, Steve mentioned to Rusty that I was Baha'i. I presented to Rusty a temple card; he had seen pictures of the temple, he said. He read the principles on back.
It is hard to uphold organized religion and a theocracy to an agnotist and read historian, but I did o'Kay.
I was asded if my no-drinking was because of my religion, and I replied that drinking was against Baha'i principles, but I don't let religion consciencly rule my life. The taste of alchol doesn't appeal to me.
My actions teach better than my 'lecturion' can ever hope to.
We stayed for supper. The menu: Beef Stew, rice, black-eye peas, pan bread (like corn bread), a salad, and a pork, -spinach pie-lile dish.
Dinner was late; around 10:00 P.M.
Rusty, Doris, and Brian had to arise early the next morning, so to bed people started going. A fold-out couck would be my sleeper.
After Kahler had made my bed out, I went out on the porch to smoke. (I hadn't smoke one at this house, yet.) Rosi, the short-haired, red dachshund, was out there (front porch. The light had been turned on. Rosi and I became friends. Brian came outside soon. We exchange a few conversant sentences.
Rosi was kept outside, so I could not sleep with her.
Rusty and Steve went to look for the pony, which had gotten loose. They found it by the barn. It was tied to a tree, and broken free.
Mrs. O'Harran was called Freida.
I used the restroom while Rusty and Steve went pony hunting. I was in 'bed' when they returned. It was probably 11:00 P.M., by now.

13-14 June, Fayette, Al/Holy Springs, Ms.

I remember being awake and hearing footsteps behing me; Rusty I took it to be. It was the next morning.

(around 7:00 A.M.) Rusty was getting ready for work.
Around 8:00 A.M., Rusty left for work. I was out of bed by this time. Doris and Brian had already left, too.
Kahler asked me what I would like for Breadfast, and I gave a 'don't care' shoulder sign. She said eggs, and I said o'Kay. She asked how many, and I said two would be fine.
I went out to ger my toliet Kit. Mary soon appeared on the front porch. She retrieved something from the Van, also.

I am being very detailed in my recording. The time I have for writing is not long enough for too much specifics.

It was apporox. 1:00 P.M. when we left the farm. I had make a friend in Rosi, the dog. She was wantion to go with me.
Rusty had brought Brian home around 10:45 A.M. We said a final good bye to him.
Around 11:30 Brian, Kahler, Mary, Steve, Mitzi, and I went to the creek. It was a wadding creek, about a mile or two behind the farm. Brian and Steve took pictures.
If water was splashed on Rosi, she would catch the drops. The dog loved to swim. But she was caught in the current and was unable to swim upstream. She lept floating back. I picked her up and carried her back to the "home island" when it was leaving time.
Mitzi doesn't like to be splashed.
The pick-up truck transporter us to and from the creek. Brian drove. On the way there, I sat on the tail gate (opened), as did Kahler. Boy, what a Bumpy ride!
Steve stood on the tailgate en route back to the house, along with Kahler.
My hand was ready to catch Kahler if she had fell.
When we got back, we all sat on the front porch, listen to the rock music that Brian had put on the Stero, and had ice cream, while Steve bathed. Conversation flowed smoothly.

Chewalla Lake, near Holy Spring, Mississippi was to be our destination. About 150 miles we travelled. A campsite was found, not far from the swimming area. And that is where we headed for before we set up camp. The folding chairs had been brought out, though, one for Steve, and a lounger for Mary. I sat on a cement section that was part of the rectanglar, slightly rised concrete wall that surrounded an area suggestive of a tent site.
We did not pay the required $2.00 campinb fee. There was a machine that was for such at the camping ground entrance. I am assuming that there are only periodical spot checks of the cammpers. We risk it.

It had rained Monday night at Chewalla Lake. A misjudgement made supper late. The rain started soon after it was ready. We all ate in the camper. Steve was in a mad rush to cover everything, andhe became quick-temper because Mart and I stayed in the camper eating while he got wet. I went out to help him.
After supper, a game of rummy was played. I won. Steve took second.

Steve has a habit of bouncing his leg on the ball of his foot. While playing Rummy Monday night in the Van, he was shaking it by bouncing, and Mary said it was driving her crazy. I pointed out the fact that he did this a lot. He became momentarily angry, and said something like "Why don't y'all get the fuck out of here?"
The falling waters were at a standstill by the time we decided bed time was here. Steve and I put up the tarp over the table, and I slept to the side of it. I put a pastic sheet under the sleeping bag and blanket as a protector from water.
I kept the flashlight that Steve and I were using for set-up. I managed to located the restroom. The walk through the dark woods, I mean pitch dark, scared the shit out of me! I the room itself, I checked the cubby hole (shower) before sitting on the commode. The walk back to the camp made my heart beat irregular, too. Was it a guilty conscience from not paying?
Sleeping was almost hindered by the imagination. The water off the trees would hit the leaves and pine needles on the ground close by and sounded toa frightened soul, like footsteps. Lightning bugs flashed in the distance. The light, being distorted by the increasing rain, appeared bigger and brighter then a fire fly light. Blurred vision (without glasses) and the hallucinations due to fear of the dark contributed to the delusions of U.f.O.'s and monsters.

14-19 June, Truman, Arkansas/Rolla/Eminence,Missouri

(The Mark Twain National Forest) We were here on June 14-15,1977. It was late afternoon when we selected a campsite. It wasn't real busy. There was a nice looking female in a two-piece, strap-less bra bathing suit that was returning to her campsite as I was on my way to wiew the river. Steve and Mary were already there. My bowels wanting easing before I went on 'tour.' But this camp-grounds only had pit toliets. There were many bugs in the place, especially in the hole. No way could I shit.

(14th) Around lunch time, a 'picnic' was held at Steven's Point Landing on the St. Francis River near Trumann, Arkansas. People lived along the landing.
A swinging foot bridge span the river. It gave the Appearance of being unsafe, but on close examination, the supports seemed fast.

(15th) Wednesday night I slept under a tree. The previous 2 nights I slept under a tarp.

That is where we camped Wednesday night. Free camping. Of course, the camping area is like a city park. It is mainly a canoe rental. A private enterprise. The fast-current river is close by.
This is a part of the Ozark Mountains Senic Riverways. The near-by town is called Eminence, Mo.

16-19 June (Thursday-Sunday)

(16th) I am not having as great a time as I thought I would. I would rather be at home, either Mama's or mine. My money in being spent faster then I had planned. I need to figure out something professionally, but how can you plan something that has always happened by chance?

Thursday, June 16, 1977, was spent on a canoe trip down Current River. It is more-or-less a 'White-Water river for beginners' as was discovered later. We took the 12-mile trip, $18.00 (9 for the canoe, and 9 for a haul toa landing). Mary and I wasn't all that fond of such a trip, but Steve was, so Mary and I went along. Last night when we arrived, we inquired at the store-rental office. Steve was interested in an over night trip. This would have cost $47.00- $18.00 a day for two canoes (with all the gear, two would have been necessary) and $11.00 hauling fee: $18.00 X 2 $36.00 11.00=$47.00. Mary and I finally convinced him to settle for a day trip. Latter that night was when the compromise occured.

There were some vocal fighting. After the canoe was landed and our "chauffeur was walking back to his car (the first driver switched vans with this one on top a hill) I joked to Steve "This is a good place to smoke some dope!" When he was gone, Steve asked me why I said that. There were some hreaa in the Van. What if the Police were called in th searched? Mary added that my voice was so god damn loud. If they were busted, I would pay the fine, she said.
I couldn't believe this comment was taked so seriously, so I answered that the "guy didn't care" and left it at that.
I was the sternman to start with. My guilding abitity wasn't the greatest; I ran ashore several times. I don't want to sen to be passing the fault or defending myself, but Steve's method of paddling is to constantly alternate sides. This is uncontrolled addling. When Mary asked me to paddle on the left side some, I said I couldn't paddle that way. She couldn't understand this. Steve asked if he could tade over the driving, and I said "If you can do it better!"
I paddled on one side, and only provided the straight, power stroke, like I was taught. Steve and Mary both suggested that I try paddling on alternate sides. My reply was something like "There should only be one driver; problems are created when both steer." Of course, the bowman can give a little bit of help.

I had the 'back' position wnen we shoved off. Mary commented to Steve that I was a one-sided paddler, that she didn't know how Steve would do. I suggested that paddling on the right side shold be done. that switching messes up the efforts of the sternman.
With my at the 'controls,' the canoe: went aground and went out of control 2 or 3 times; almost capsized- Water had gotten in, about 2 inches. Mary and Steve had talked of overrturning the day before, and that morning, but I felt they were being overly concerned. Little did I know that it would almost happened! The supplies had been tied in, a knapsack, thermos jug and plastic sack with food. We got struck on several underwater log formations, this was how the near-capaized had happened
I have canoed in a moving river before; it is not like a still one. A different steering technique is used. I probably had put the suggestion across to Steve and Mary that I was a top rate canoes. I don't know if this section of water was rougher than the rest or what, but I sure didn't show my canoe expertise.
At one point Steve bitched about my guilding. This time Mary took my side. She said that "Phillip and me only went to please him; we didn't really want to go!" At one point Steve tirmed around like he was going to hit Mary. I headed for Shore. Steve asked why and I said he could take over. "I don't like backseat drivers!" Steve soon apologized to me for popping off, and said that he shouldn't complain if he wasn't at the control.
Two Rivers was a welcome sight. Everything that was on the bottom of the boat was wet (shoes, my hat, knapsack, etc.)

Two or three miles from the completion of the outing, Steve asked if I would take over. I reluntantly did so. We were stopped on the 'shore' for a rest, anyway. Steve laid in the canoe, his head worst.

Steve had a headache this morning, and had a queasy feeling. The canoe trip should have been foregone, but it was Steve's 'dream.'

(17th) One more day at Two Rivers. At the momest both Steve and Mary are lying in bed. Steve still had a bad headache and Mary is developing a sore throat.
I am sick of this place. Bugs are about to eat me alive.
"The Book of Mormon" have been giving me food for thought. It is very helpful in my search and study of God.
At around 1:00 A.M., some cars pulled in and created a nuisance. They finally settled on a campsite. The car lights flooded my eyes. Loud talking. Cursing. I was having trouble sleeping, anyway. I felt uncomfortable on the ground. Being a cool night, I crawled into the sleeping Bag, but it didn't help. Itried sleepin on the lounge chair. This gave relief to my back, but I really couldn't obtain the position that was best for sleeping
All I know is that I woke up this morning around 5:30 or 6:00 A.M. on the ground. I must have dozed off out of desperation. Mary said she tood a trip to the restroom after the late-arrivers had settled down. I didn't hear her.
Stage left of out campsite is the camp of a male-female. The female is a jewel. In her bathing suit, the bottom looks like panties, silk. Up until a few minutes she had it on. An inch of her crack showed; more when she sat down. Her boy friend left, and she chanced only when some males to her left returned.

My pen is almost through with its life. In fact, I don't know how much more I can write.

Friday night was like expected noisy and busy. Around 8:00 P.M., 6 adults(? by the way they acted), 3 femaled, 3 males, arrived, shining their lights in my eyes. Luckily, I was lying in the lounge chair close to the table. The bedding was all laid out at the usual place. If I had been in it, I probably would have been run over.
I removed the 'bed' from that area, and moved the 'bed' chair to the other side of the table, closer to the van.
The loudmouths were all in their ewaly 20's. I was hoping to see the women undress.
They made a lot of noise putting up the tent.
Steve was unable to sleep with the commotion. Around 11:30 P.M., he got up, and we condemmed these people, and the ones acress the "steet." The office phone was rigged withe a loud bell so it could be heard from afar. The ring was bothersome, we both agreed. Mary was awakened, too.
To the right of these 'kids,' arriving just an hour or so before, was a man, woman, and 3 or 4 other makes. The woman had a dress on when she got out of the car; when she got out, she had her legs apart somewhat. When this woman went to the ladies' restoom to change, I followed, hoping that she would leave the door open.
I have been trying to catch a view of an undress woman since I got up. I have wandered close by the Ladies' Room. And there are 2 girls sleeping in a yellow tent to my right, at the turn, and the tent has a 'window' in back. I have walked passed it hoping to see something. So far, no luck on all counts.
It is cool this morning, probably in the 50's.

God, help me stop! I have just returned from a "scouting" walk. Please deliver me from the hell.

(18th) Steve and Mary got out of bed around 8:30 A.M. They both complained of a terrible sore throat. As a prophet of gloom, I asked Steve, who was sitting on one of the chairs outside, if he had had the mumps. He said no and he asked Mary, who was not asleep, but still in bed. She said on one side. There glands were swollen, too.
They wanted to find a doctor or Emergency Wing of a Hospital. Mary managed to make it to the lodge and found out about a doctor in Eminence.
We all agree ona motel.
Our 'neighbors' had already left.
After we got packed away, we travelles in the direction the lady at the office had given Mary, when Mary had rreturned to have the doctor called.
The Doc lived at the top of a narrow and winding road. He was a country doctor. Dr. Wilson is his name. A modest house for a doctor.
I walked Mitzi while the 'sicklies' were seen to.
In twenty minutes, about, they came out. The Strep throat. They have received a penliccum shot and some pills for $6.00.
Between 10:30 and 11:00 A.M., all of this took place.
'Doc' Wilson suggested Hillcrest Motel when Mary asked for a good one. "Tell 'un 'Doc' Wilson sent you!"
1/3 mile out of town was the motel. $10.40 was required for the 3 of us and Mitzi. Room #16 Television (Black & White), Air Conditioner, but no telephone or Thrash
cans. 2 double beds.
Soon after settling in the Room, Steve and I went for a snack. Don's Drive-In was down the street; I ordered a Pizza Burger and a chocolate Shake. It was slow service. $2.13 secure this. My treat.
A man that must have been Don came from the house next door. He stopped and talked with us.
We then remembered a paper. We went downtown and found a couple of newspapers machines by the drug store. I gave Steve some change. He came back with "The St. Louis Dispatch," a Saturday-Sunday paper. 40 cents. Steve then wanted to get some ice. From a grocery Store he got a block ($79). The gropefruit juice had spilt into the cold water at the bottom, so we emptied the water by the curb. Steve went back for another can of juice, and came back with Apricot Nector.
I have already eaten my snack. (God Damn it, they had put lettuce, tomatoes, and Mayanois on my sandwich. I removed the bun-half). Steve's and Mary's Shakes were getting warm. Steve's were drinking his.

Steve's Strep throat could develop into Rheumatic Fever if not treated proper. So revealed the doctor when Steve and Mary went for a return visit at 11:30 on Sunday, June 19.
We had eaten breakfast before venturing up the long and winding read to Penton Wilson, D.O. It was the Hotel dining room wnere we ate. It was raining lightly this morning.

The previous afternoon, around 7:00 P.M., I walked downtown fron the motel- about 1/3 mile- and, one there, decided to eat a good dinner. I came across a 'cafe.' I passed it once, not knowing how strangers with my appearance would be treated. But I decided to chance it.
There were only 2 workers in there, a lady dishwasher, and the male-waiter-cook-clerk. Five minutes past before the waiter took my order. Before placing it, though, I asked him if he took traveler's Checks. He answered positive, and so I ordered Baked Ham with tea. There being no pies, I picked a Honey Bun from the counter.
To keep myself from dwelling on the meal, let my leave this recollection after mentioning an event of interest. The man was also the 'busboy.' He had just bussed some tables and was at the counter, behind, with the bused dishes in a plastic box-tray on top. He took out two uneaten pieces of bread, examined them, and returned them to the bread loaf.
Before returning to the motel, I dropped by the carnival. It was the last night for it. I was half-way tempted to help tear-down for the extra bucks, but when I saw the smallness, I decided against it. The carnival was Tom Thumb Amusements out of Fish, Mo.
Another night was spent at the motel. I paid the $10.40 this time.
I have spent alnost $50.00 so far an this trip. Jesus!
For someone who doesn't believe in much T.V. viewing , Steve looked at the 'tube' a lot these 2 days. It was on to 1:00 A.M. Sunday morning (started at around 7:00 P.M.) and all day Sunday, until 1:00 A.M. Some of the shows watched: BOB NEWNART SHOW, ALL IN THE FAMILY, ALICE, FEATHERS AND FATHER GARY, Saturday Night (host- Anthony Perkins).

(19th) Next day, Sunday; LONE RANGER, THE LONGEST DAY(movie),60 MINUTES, RHODA, PHYLIS, I NEVER SANG FOR MY FATHER (movie), MASTER PIECE THEATRE, etc. SANG FOR FATHER starred Gene Hackman and Melvyn Douglas. The pilot film for THE STREET of SAN FRANCISCO television show was shown at 11:30 P.M.- 1:00 A.M. Karl Makden and Michael Douglas starred, with guest Robert Wagmer amd Kim Darby. Miss Darby reminds me of Wanda, in looks, smile, mannerisms.
I have not sexually sought after Mary. She is like a sister to me. My perversion does not include incest.

20-21 June (Monday-Tuesday), Houston, Mo/Great Falls, Montana

(20th) In the Clark National Forest, $2.00 was paid to the Indian Forest Ranger when he came around last night.
It was a beautiful night. Warm. No need for the Tarp.

(21st) I was awaken around 5:30 A.M. by drops. Half-awake I spread the plastic sheet over me. In a few seconds, the bottom fell open, Latter thunder and lightning was rampant. I was kept relatively dry by the sheet. Steve hollowed from the van if I wanted to sleep on the floor, and I said I was all right.
The lightning bothered me more than the rain.
After an hour or so of this torture, I did go into the Van upon Steve's "order." I laid on the sleepong bag that Steve unrolled on the floor. I took off my damp shirt; damp from retreiving my pants,cigarrettes, and shoes & socks from the table, not from sleeping like a cocoon in the storm, altough, I did get a little moisture from the experience.
The campsite was near Houston, Mo.
The relevation of when I would leave. for Chicago off my mind, I am just beginning to enjoy this trip.
This afternoon, I went down to the river, via a trail ajoining the campsite onthe left, and took off my hotpants. I did this for two reasons; tosatisfy my sexual perversion, and to tan my butt and pubis area. I made 2 or 3 trips back and forth, from the camp to the 'naked' river. I saw a baby snake so I was afraid of wading.
I jugged rocks. I was hopping some females would see me.
Three rocks became suvirnors of the 'beach.' I didn't want to take all of the interesting one; there were a lot of similiar ones. The three I got are nice.
I didn't want to be found naked and dead.

Last night at supper medical care cost came up in the conversation. Mary asked me if I had hospital insurance. I said no. She was amazed that I didn't and advised me to get some. I have been worrying about this since last night.

22 June, Labanon/Houston/Rolla/St. Louis, Mo.

It is still raining this morning. It started around 9:30 A.M. last night. Some of the stuff I had on the ground got wet again. Fuck!
I hate this weather when one lives in the outdoors. It is driving me crazy.
One thing good, I did put the tarp up around 5 or 6:00 P.M. yesterday. It kept me dry, except for the dampness that infected everything.

At 4:15 P.M., I boarded a Greyhound Bus in Lebenon, Mo., for Chicago. At 4:40 A.M., approx, on the next day, I was at the Greyhound Bus Station in "The Windy City."

It was in Rolla, Mo., that a rather big guy in overalls became a 'partner' in my journey. This guy, country boy, warned me of Chicago, especially the Bus Station. When I told him I was hoping to clean-up in the Chicago restroom, he advise me to go nasty. I told him I was going to Wilmette, we discussed how to get there from Chicago.
On the next leg of the Chicago trip, I got to talking, along withe my partner, with a French couple. The man spole fluent English; the wife only passable. I was sitting in the aisle seat, onthe right side, the next to the last row. A male was sitting next to me, a few years my junior in all possibity. He was clean-cut.
My 'partner' was in the window seat of the row in front. Directly across from him sat the French couple. Behind this pair sat a young from Portugal. He occupied the window seat. The way I discovered his origination was during a conversation he had with the French guy about European politics. This discussion was instigated by an article in a newsmagazine about Spanish government.
The six of up, after the Rolla stop, talked about cars, gas, and trucking in the two countries (France, U.S.).
A change of bus were required in St. Louis. I had to struggle with the gummy sack. Jack, as I found out his name, carried my costume coats, along with a box of pellet salt in a power saw box.

23 June-5 July, Chicago/Wilmette/Evanston/Wheeling/Champagne
Niles/Des Plaines, Il/Stevens Point, Wi

It was June 23, around 9:30 A.M., that I met Wendy Rutledge again. She still words at the Baha'i Publishing Trust. Mike Noble wasn't there anymore. He had left the Friday before.
Wendy and I talked about 20 minutes in the Lobby. She had been shocked by the hug I gave her. Wendy looked nice.
A lunch date with Wendy. At 12:30 P.M., Wendy met me in the lobby of the trust. We went to a restaurant in downtown Wilmette. It was rather high class.
Wendy also appealed to me sexually. She wore a dress that, when she would driving, would, via the split, reveal a good ways up her leg (left). She wanted this, I believe. She pulled the dress opened.
That evening we had a date to Feast of Rahnat. In my conversing with Wendy, I discovered she now lives in Evanston.
Anyway, she has a stairwell in her apartment. I sat down in a chair that, to an extent, viewed upstairs. I was sitting down when Wendy went upstairs to change. I saw a good ways up her dress, but not the beight of the butt.
I am falling in love with her.

(26st) I remember dreaming of Jan Williams and Sylvia Pate (both are now married and have different last names). At one point, I was in a hall, changing clothes, and Jan and Sylvia, who I knew at the (I have finally ran out of ink--the blue pen. I lost the black pen I had and had to buy a writing tool from the News stand in the lobby of the Y.M.C.A. where I am staying, since Friday) University of Alabama. Jan was a nice looker. I had a type of crush on her. Both Jan an Sylvia were virginal, were in an adjacent room, changing clothes. The door was open. I remember that both Jan and Sylvia had their panties pulled down around their thighs; I saw them naked. They saw me naked, too. And they loved it. They liked showing me what they had, too.

(27th) This is a Monday. I will try to catch up with what's been happening in the Chicago area concerning me. I have receive the gift of living in the apartment of Mark Finn and Don Sims. This 'home' is located at 540 E. West Lodge Trail in Wheeling, Illinios. Both Mark and Don are Baha'is. Since I met Mark in August 1975, when the circus played Wheeling. I was not a declared believer then but Robert took me to an arranged Fireside. I also met Mark in August 1976. Mark and Don are Both at the Youth Conference in Champagne, Ill., (being held in the campus of University of Illinois).
Financially, being able to stay rent-free at this apartment really helps.
The Orrington Hotel in Evanston, near Wilmette, was my home Thursday (23rd) night. The room was on the seventh floor.
This hotel was classey. I had called the Temple and I was given the suggestion, upon an inquiry, of either the Howard Johnson or the Orrington in Evanston.
I took a cab from the train station in Wilmette to the Orrington Hotel. I only had $3.00 in cash, and some change, so I had to ask the cabbi if I could get there on this amount. It was a woman cabbie I asked, but a male cab driver took me.
I was able to 'park' my luggage in the ticket office of the train station. They had been there since 8:30 A.M. They were ready to close when I rerieved my property. It was 2:00 P.M., approx, by this time. I surely appreciated this "baggage babysitting." There were no lockers at the station. I really hadn't meant to leave them at the mercy of the agent that long.
I won't prolong the agony. $20.02 for the single room for one night! What is the Temple doing to me? The taxi fare was about $2.40.
It was a nice room, though. It was a nice feast, also. The best one I have ever attended. Of course, most Baha'is in this area are "professionals"- They work at the National Center. The Y.M.C.A. of Evanston was the site of the celebration.
I met Wendy's roommate, Ouieda, a non-white in her late thirties.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (24th, 25th, 26th), my home was the Y.M.C.A. on Wabash in Chicago, close to 8th Street. A basic room (no T.V., communal bathroom)went for $6.26, about. What a contrast! Of course, I didn't stay in my room much; I was with Wendy a lot.
10-148, the room I called home for 3 nights.

Saturday (25th) evening Wendy and I went to the Temple. We went into the audutorium to mediate. Wendy sat mid-way, Isat on the back row (both center section). Who did I meet while eaving the main room? Shirley Dooley! Shirley was a Baha'i from Birmingham. That is where I mer her, and hubby Jerry. She ha worked at the National Center before, for 9 months, and was now back. Shirley and Jerry wer in a year of patience, to end in August. That was also a shock to me.
Shirley works at Data Processsing in the Evanston Baha'i offices.

I have just found my receit from the Orrington Hotel: Rm 714. The Room was $17.00, with $1.02 for tax. I made one phone call and it cost me 30 cents. When I checked out the next day, I was given $1.70 back.
I just finish watching THE SHIELDS AND YARNELL SUMMER SHOW. Robert Shields and Lorraine Yarnell are mimes. And you know, they are great! I have seen them before, but really didn't appreciate them. I am going to pratice their stuff. The show is on C.B.S. at 7:30 P.M. (C.D.T.).

Saturday night (25th) I participated in Garden Teaching at the House of Worship. The Temple closed at 10:00 P.M., but from 10-Midnight, people (visitors) are invited in and escorted to one of two gardens. Baha'is tell the visitors about the Faith. Wendy took part, also. We left around 11:00 P.M., though.
I want to take part in more Garden Teaching.

(I arrived around 2:30 P.M. at Wendy's apartment. I walked from downtown Evanston, having taken the Subway- "L" to Howard Street.
Around 4:00 P.M., we went to the Annual Custer's Last Stand on Custer street in Evanston. This was an Arts & Craft Fair.


(29th) What a strange dream I had! It took place aboard a barge travelling down a river.
Moma was returning home from a trip. She had a nice room on the barge.
Me, maybe Joyce, & Leslie, laid on top the barge. It was an interesting way to travel, but water would came over the side and drench us.
A storm soon came up, causing Mama to worry about us. Soaked, we shortly was delivered th the room.
At another point, I seen to remember Leslie falling off a latter into the water. I rescued her, rather easy.
Isn't this strange?

Last Sunday (26st) I attended the 3:00 P.M. devotional service at the House of Worship. This service is mainly for the non-Baha'i public. It was about a 30 minutes service. Readings from the Writings, the Bible, and the Quran. An A Chapella choir may up of volunteer, provided music.
I sat with Shirley Dooley.
At 2:15 P.M., I viewed the new film that was shown in Foundation Hall. It was about David Villasenor, a Baha'i Sand painter. This Mexican-Indian carved and Hacked a 9'6" statue of Sequorah, the Indian Chief who invented an alphabet for the Cherakee Indians in the 1800's. This task of Villasenor took nine years and the statue was born from a Sequotah Redwood tree, that, due to a storm, was laying acress a street in Pasadena, California. This statue was presented to the National Spiritual Assembly, who in turn presented it to the Cherokee Nation in Tallaqueh, Oklahoma.
I met Glenford Mitchell, the Secretary of the N.S.A., after the service. Also presented was 2 Hands of the Cause, Mr. Kadem and Mr. Fortel (?).
A Baha'i couple I mat in Stevens Point, Wisconsin, came up to my. At first, we forgot the other's name, but theirs are Sue & Steve.
I also took part in the discussion groups for the public, around 4:00 P.M.

Yesterday (27th) morning I started "Some Answered Questions," by Abbdu'l-Baha. It is Mark's book.

Around 8:30 last night (26st) Mike Noble came over. I was upstairs reading. When the door bell rang, I started down stairs. The Stairs and downstairs area were dark. I ran into a wall or something in the dark and fucked up my foot; not bad, though, just two broken skin injuries.

Mike had taken me from Evanston to the Chicago Y.M.C.A. on Friday (24th).

(29th) I went for an interview at "Tommy's" Restaurant in Niles, Ill., today. Having called Mike Carr, who is the chairman of the Niles L.S.A. and an employer at the Activities at the House of Worship, earlier this week in response to a letter that he sent me (I called Mama Sunday, around 12:30 P.M., and she read the letter received from Mr. Carr) concerning a possible proclamation at "Tommy's," I decided to, on my own, look into this Clown-using restaurant. A lady with the National Teaching Committee had unformed me of this place last Fall. N.T.C. was never able to 'book' a proclamation.
Approx. 4:10 P.M., I met with the Manager, Don, and we talk about how clowns are used. He told me about Ron "Cnico " Severini and his wife Sandy, clowns with the Blue Unit of the Ringling Show, performed there. Ron and Sandy were in my Clown College class. I didn't reconize the name Ron; only "Chico."
A Chaplin-imitator, Rick, also with Ringling, has also performed there. Rick was in Clown school with me.
Don took my name and phone number and said that he would speak with his partner, and may use me one Saturday. He seemed like he wanted me.
I boarded Nortran Bus #234, at the corner of Dundbar & Bufflo Grove at 12:07 P.M., and Bus 250 in Des Plains (by the Chicago & Northwest Stations), getting to Niles around 1:15 P.M. The restaurant is on Milwaukee Road, and the Bus Stopped across the street from it (caddy-corners). My interview wasn't until after 4:00 P.M., so I had a long time to wait.
I 'hiked' a half-block to a "7-11" store and bought at Big Burger (double beef and chheeze with bar-B-que sause) and a quart of Chocolate Milk for $2.07. After eating this and <a style="font-style:oblique;font-weight:bold;" id="intext_link_930060" href="#46249" rev="0" rel="Vn0Bdg4 VGwIL1IlUW4IflVtXnQIOwkqUSRSYQVsUWhRaFBrXGABflspVHZRYghgUGUAawJgClRcLwAsUDpVJVY8AXYOPVR9CCJSIlE7CFBVJl4KCC4JblEyUmkFZ1EtUXdQZFxrATVbYVQ3UW0IZVBvAGMCJQpoXDUAM1AKVShWdAExDiZUfAg6UiZRLwh8VWFeJgg CWNRMlJ1BT5Rd1FgUGJcKgFtWzJUZ1E4CDVQPAAlAj4KJlxoAG5QZ1U1VjcBZA5lVDwIZ1JnUTUIPlU4XmcIMQk/UWBSOgU6UTtROFAxXD8BbFs2VGJRMQg UDkALgJqCm1cPAAXUBJVOlY3AWMOZlQwCG9SYlEnCH9VYF4yCDwJOlFiUioFalFnUTxQSVxBAQxbc1QVUWcIalBaAEsCPgotXCkAN1AiVWJWbgE7DiZUfQhrUiVRdgh7VSdeIQhiCWFRNFJrBXBRLVFiUGpcagF WylUdlF0CGJQZQB8AikKMVx4ADdQOFVzVmMBLA4hVCsIKw==" class="intext_ad_1341635247" onclick="return(false);">smoking</a> a cigarrette on the grass across the street, I use the Men's room at a Service Station across the street.
Then the wait...
Finally, 4:02 appeared on the "7-11" clock, so I ventured down the street to Tommy's."
Ireturned home around 5:15 P.M. It was the 4:45 bus I rode from Des Plains to Wheeling.
I had called Tommy's Monday (27th) and Tuesday (27th) afternoons, and finally was able to talk with him around 4:25 P.M. on Tuesday.
I was unlucky in my attempt at a clown job with the Jaycee-sponsored Carnival, beion held in the Parking lot of Wickes Fuiniture store in Wheeling. I talked with Mike Sullivan over the phone last night (28th), around 6:30 P.M., and was told that the carnival was to add to the fund of the Jaycees, not to hire "minstels." I had gotten the Jaycee number from the Municipal Building over the phone and had spoke to Mre. Sullivan by phone Monday (27th) afternoon. She invited me to called the next evening after 6:30 P.M. and converse with her husband.

While enroute to my temporary home, I spotted the carnival, still on trucks. After Mark left, around 1:00 P.M., I walked the 2 miles to asked about employment. It was half-way in the air, but I was told that I could tear down Monday night.

I didn't arrived in Wheeling till around 11:55 A.M. on Monday (27th). I got off the bus at the "Four Squares" Restaurant, close to the Circus lot, and called Mark.

It was 12:40 before I called Wendy. She told me she was leaving before noon for the conference, so I thought I had missed her. But, thank God, she was still at the Publishing Trust. I got her addess, in case I didn't see her due to my having to depart for Alabama because of funds.

P.B.S. presented "Waiting For Godot," a play by Samuel Beckett. It was telecast at 8:00 P.M. over Ch. 11. The Los Angeles Actors' Theater contributed their talents. Ralph Waits, the father of THE WALTONS T.V. series, is the artistic director of the company, and protrayed Pazzo in "Godot."
There must have been some subtle social comment in the lines. It is a wierld play. Considering the script, the acting was good.
One line stands out. Paraphasing' "It help pass the time." "Time passes, anyway." No matter what we do, time stills marches at the same speed. Of course, time is only relative thing, that is, the fastness or slowness of passing.

One thing about this apartment: The air pumps in the fish tanks are obnoxius; I keep thinking the faucet is dripping!

(30th) In my dream this morning, a 14-or 15-year old girl was playing with a group of people, and she was naked. I caress her butt. Was Adrienne Moos this girl? This young girl was beautiful! The sodt white skin, cute ass.
WTTW is the Chicago public television.
Sandy Nick was also on my mind, sexually. Shirley Dooley came to my thoughts. She had asked me to call her at extention 222 at the Evanstion Office of the Baha'i National Center.
Oueida, Wendy's roomy, a 39 or so year-old black, presented herself in my sex visions as a nude.

(1st) It is after 12 noon. I should have written the account of the dream earlier, but I didn't. So here to the best of my memory, is my dream of this morning:
Mary, Steve, and I were throwing a frisbee inside of a partially-completed house. We threw around curves. At one point I was trapped in a room and couldn't get out.
I regret not remembering more. At this moment I am undergoing self-consultation. Should I keep trying for work as a Clown-mime? Should I git out of the business for a while? Or should I find something else? I am considering applying for a position at the National Center.
(Later in the afternoon) Why is God trying so hard to keep from being Baha'i? I wanted so much to attend the Youth Conference at least Saturday and Sunday. But no money. And I told God that I would go if money permits. But I guess I won't be going. I missed the Teaching Conference in Merida, Yucantan, Mexico, the first of last February, but again, economics didn't allow.
The principal reason I want to remain in clowning is because I can help the faith with my time. Now my career is dying!
I am told that what's happening are tests and trials. If this is the case, then I am destined to be a prophet! No other Baha'i is having the problems I am.
I refuse to brown-nose God for money and careet advancement!
If Society continues to spiritually advance, then in the far future, there will be no need to believe or follow or study a God.
Following an established belief in God has no effect on an individual.
I called Old Chicago, a shopping mall-type establishment. I was connected with a Billy Bishop.

(2nd) "Eyewitness Forum" was a discussion of abortion. This is a touchy and controversial issue. Both sides seem to miss the point. Science and religion was held apart, when, we all know that 'God' is both.
Planned Parenthood is as much murder as abortion. So are contraceptives. Should the 'Will of God' be allowed freedom, when so many 'free sex' taked place?
The interview was on televesion, WLST-TV in Chicago. I got in only towards the end, but a 1:00 P.M., the telecast ended.

No matter what mood you are in, or what emotional ailment you are suffering, or spiritual problem you are struggling with, the Baha'i writings can cure it! By reading "The Declaration of Baha'u'llah in the Garden of Ridvan" section in "The Revelation of BAha'u'llah," my struggle with the 'Will of God' has solved itself. To paraphase, "The greater the cause, the more trials one goes through." What I am trying to accomplish in the clowning world is unique, so why shouldn't I have a hard time at it? I read parts of several other books ("The Promised Day is Come," "Some Answered Questions," "Epistle To the Wolf") before I found the medicine.

I wrote a letter to Billy Bishop, director of entertainment at Old Chicago, on the Electric typewriter this morning.

(4th) It was 96 degrees in the Chicage area, the hottest "Birthday" since 1911, when it was over 100 degrees in Chicago.
Mark, Harleen, and I went to the King Richard'd Faire this afternoon. This is an outdoor arts and craft Festival, recreating, or trying to, the mood of a Fair of the Renaissance periop. There were strolling minstrels (musicans, jugglers, etc.), a commedia Dell'Arte, but the best was a 2-man "play", using today's play on words. Great acting. The play was acted with the audience sitting on the ground, or standing, in a wide circle. Very interesting. Of course, all the entertainers wore period costumes (tights) and spoke in the age of English.
This trip cost me $4.00, plus 50 cents for a cup of apple cider.
The Commedia was as I had studied; slapstick comedy, puns, and vulgar (obsene) suggestions.
I may write to the production office- Greathall of Illinois, L2 D., in Lake Forest- and find out about employment opportunities.
I may $17.00 tomight (and the morning of the 5th; I am writing this account because I am too physcially exhausted to sleep) helping tear down of the Tilter Whirl with the World of Wold Carnival, headquartered in Colorado, that played at Wickes Furniture in Wheeling. Not bad money! I don't think I work more than 2 1/2 hours. This cash will certainly be a help. The work was hard, but it felt good having a 'job.'
The supervisor of the Tilt was bastardly, but I know about "carnis," he really didn't bother me.
I be damn, the sky is turning a light blue! I wonder what time it is!
I am sleeping on a piece of yellow form, on the living room floor. Mark and Don returned home Sunday night, 8:00 P.M. and 10:00 P.M. (both approx.) respectively. There is a mattress cover on the form, and I have a sheet cover , and pillow, but not pollow case.
Harleen and Mike came over last evening (July 4). Harleen, Mike, Mark, and I played "Hearts." Canasta was planned, but I can't play that 2 deck card game.
I won in Hearts. The final score: Mike 103, Mark 66, Harleen 46, Phil 45. The lowest score wins.
On their way home, Mike and Harleen dropped me off at the Fair. I walked back, in the dark. I was a little scared, but I walked in the middle of the street most of the time. I was sure glad to see the 7-11 store opened all night. I was hungry! I purchased a quart of Chocolate milk and a pack of cigarrettes.
Mike and Harleen are in their year of patience.

(5th)I met Wendy in Evanston around 5:30 P.M. After she changed into jeans, we went out and had dinner.
It was on Chicago Avenue, about 2 blocks from Main, that she picked my up. It was planned for me to meet her at the Trust, but the transportation system changed them.
It took me 1 1/2 hours to travel from Wheeling to Evanston. Being 5:00 P.M. when I arrived in Evanston, I called Wendy, figuring I would arrive late in Wilmette.
I drove. Should I see this as a sign?
I feel that Wendy likes me. But what king of like?

6 July (Wednesday), Wheeling, Il

I finally got a chance to talk with Don for a length of time. I went to a restaurant with him. This was around 3:15 P.M. He had a court appearance so he didn't work today (at the Publishing Trust). His case was something about a ticket he received while driving.
Donald Sims, Mark's roommate and a 3rd generation Baha'i, is usually sleeping or reading in his room. He does not get along with Mark too well; as a matter of fact, he is really not a social person. I had briefly chatted with him, but this dinner date afforded me a chance to find out more about him.
He bought. I had an apple pie (slice) and chocolate malt, Don had a Jillian salad.
There is a lot of hostility between Don and Mark. Mark wants to pioneer in Alaska; he should worry about unity in his own "backyard."

7 July, Wheeling, Il

Mark's weight problem. Is it thyroid malfunction or eating too much? It it pathetic!
When I few met Mark August 1975, I had the feeling that he was gay. Now I am finding this out more. He frequently makes obscene gestures with his lips and tongue at me. I can nfeel his stares at me. A lot of small talk slips out of conversation. A lot of obese people who and attract the opposite sex turn to homosexuality. Please God, help him!

8-10 July (Friday-Sunday), Chicago/Wilmette, Il

(9th) My week and 1/2-love affair with Wendy is apparently over. Or that is how it seems at the moment.
But is it?
I went into Wilmette yesterday (Friday) to spend the evening with Wendy. Mike Noble, who works in Chicago, gave me a lift to the City, around 3:00 P.M. His place of employ is on Monroe Street- Graphic Arts. It was a little after 4:00 P.M. that we arrived in Chicago (the rush hour traffic is a Bitch!) I walked 10 or so blocks to "State." There I took the subway- "L" to Howard Street for 50 cents It being 5:15 P.M. when I arrived at Howard Street, I left the station and called Wendy at the Trust, from a coffee shop pay phone, to see if she were still there, and if I could just meet her in Evanston someplace. She said just to come to Wilmette. She then asked a Claude, who also worked at the Trust, if he wanted to go out for lunch. I was overhearing this.
I had to pay an additional 50 cents for the Wilmette trip. I had already purchased 2 jelly-filled doughnuts (40 cents) and a pack of cigarrettes (60 cents). My budget was running out!
Now, Claude was a nice guy. In fact, he paid my way into the movie.
More latter about the film.
Wendy told my, when Claude was not around, that Claude was a good friend of hers, so was his wife. The couple had a beautiful daughter.
The 3 of us went to a restaurant for eats. I had a malt and french fries. A deetening occurred. I brought in my far-out philosophy latter in the discussion. Like usual, the two of them didn't follow and would couter the philosophy with irrelevant 'shit.'
I sat next to Wendy.
I decided to go to the Movie, because I did want to be around Wendy. Claude paid my way.
The movie was R rated. It was a French movie. It was CONSIN CONSINE. I did sit close to Wendy, and out shoulders met. I put my left arm on the top edge of her chair several times. She seemed to like it.
This movie, under the circumstances, was offensive to me. Not long after the movie started, one of the characters at a family wedding party atood in his chair and 'shoot a moon' (showed his bare ass) to the camera. Wendy's reaction to this, one of, seemingly, enjoyment, hurt me.
She talked to Claude more than me during the movie.
There were also fucking scenes. The woman revealed her tits.
The entire movie was sick humor in my opinion. I saw no reason for the laughter of the audience, especially Wendy.
I thought I knew Wendy better than this. Why would she enjoy such thrash? Both Claude and Wendy are Baha'is, why would they even went to see such shit? And Claude had seen it before!
Am I jealous of Claude? Am I being possessive? After all, they are big friends. What gives me a right to place a 'claim' on Wendy?
Of course, I saw that the movie was R rated before I went into the theatre. Why didn't I voice an objection?
After the movie, we all went to a pizza place. I had tea. Claude bought it. But he sat down by Wendy before I got there. What's really between them?
I don't like rejection. This is what is bothering me. I thought Wendy would be "it." Now...
I was so emotionally disturbed, that I have the shivers at the pizza place.
Wendy was all over Claude at times. When he slid past to go to the lobby (in the theatre) she felt his thighs.
The more I write of this, the more I become depress. I just will have to forget about any romantic future with Wendy.

Referring back to Friday night, my past actions while a Baha'i (specificly, undressing in the hall at the Arts Council Dance Studio) is no different that what Wendy did with Claude. Am I being paid back?

(10th) I delieved a baby in my dreams. My hands help guide the newborn from the womb. My hands were the first to touch it.
For some reason, the unbiblical cord was attached to either the mouth or nose, instead of the naval.
I was trying to get the cord cut. I was holding this wet, wiggly mass of flesh. I could see the "food" in the cord and in the baby. It was blue. I would have to regulate the flow.
In the dream, I really can't remember any rescue. Even though the baby could breathe, it is best that the cord is cut as early as possible, so that the baby won't develope an independence on the cord for oxygen, which, in that case, comes from the Mother's body.
Is this dream symbolic of my flustrated attempts at helping people spiritually? Or my own "hard time" of artistic (professional) progression? Or is my relationship with Wendy the cause of the dream?

11-13 July, Chicago, Il/Louisville, KY/Nashville, Tn
Birmingham/Homewood/Childersburg, Al

(11th) It was 5:15 P.M. on July 11, that I boarded, from gate 11, a Greyhound Bus to Birmingham. The Greyhound Bus Station in Chicago is near Clark & Lake. A Black dude, Willie, who was also headed for Birmingham, was my travelling companion.
Like Jack (my "partner on the way to Chicago) he bought me some eats. But more important, they both kept me out of trouble.

I found a dime in a pay phone at the Bus Station in Louisville, Kentucky (?). This small amount helped.

(12th) Between 4:15 A.M. and 7:45 A.M. the Greyhound bus carried me and other passengers between Nashville, Tn., and Birmingham. I had a wierd dream during this part of my journey home, which began at 1:25 P.M. yestersday, when I left Mark's and Don's apartment. The dream was of flies (or was it mosquitoes)! A lady, young and good-looking, prevented me from swatting them. I visualized that the insects had a home to themselves, away from people, somewhere. I remember seeing a can of bug repellant (paste) that were covered with flies (dead or alive?).
What is the meaning of this dream.

I left Robert's house around 9:00 A.M. It took 15 or so minutes to walk to the highway with my suitcase and gummy sack.
At about 1:00 P.M., I arrived at Joyce's. 3 1/2 hours it took to hitchhike! And it was in Shelby County that I had the problems in thumbing. Three defferent rides I had to take.

The night before (Tuesday) was the Feast of Kalinat at Delight's house. I felt like a people with a skin disease. I was hardly spoken to. Kevin Smith, a producer/director at the Birmingham E.T.V., for which I did a "freebee" for, ws noticably 'cool' towards me. What's going down?

(13th) Janice's husband, Bill, had a stoke was was put in the Veteran's Hospital in Birmingham. Joyce, Mama, David,Leslie, and mydelf went to The Magic City around 3:00 P.M. today. I wished I had know that; it would have saved me a trip.
On the way back to Childersburg, around 7:00 P.M., Joyce drove by the Clifton home, and I fetched my box that I had lugged around Chicago.
Around 9:30 P.M., the telephone rang (at Mama's house) and she answered it. I heard her explain what the news bulletin concerning the 'Black-out' in New York was about. Then a talk on religion took place. In about 30 minutes Mama slam down the phone. I was assuming that it had been Mary Moore, a friend of Mama that was a Baptist. Baptists has a tendency to preach. But, alas! it had been Jane (my sister, her daughter)! She condemed me to hell for being a non-Christian. The Training Union had discussed such matters. "If one doesn't believe in Jesus. one can't go to heaven." Mama brought up her giving alway Laurie, and leaving Larry behind when she went to the Keys over the 4th of July, as being un-Christian. Fighting with the neighbors is un-Christian. Then, Slam!

The 5 of us left the scene of an accident. A Floyd & Beasley truck as turing left at the top of the hill in Childersburg, going through town, and hit a car coming from a Sylacauga-direction. Joyce was going to stop and state that the truck driver turned only after the green arrow indicated such. Two or three times we thought of stopping but went on. Joyce called the Police from her house, and told her story, and also was told that we shouldn't had left. Gasoline was pouring out of the hit car, and we didn't know if it would explored or not. And besides, they were, we assumed, enough people that had gathered at the scene to make a statement.
Actually, I didn't see the ligt change, but Joyce and Mama did. We were behind the truck planning a left turn, also.
Although the truck had just started a move, the weight of it really smashed the left-front of the hood section. Fortunately, the car hadn't heen at the point a fraction of a second earlier, or the driver would have been injured.
What a first day home I had!

14 July (Thursday), Childersburg, Al

It was around 10:20 P.M. or so. The telephone rang, and I occassionaly state, "It's for me!" in a half-way joking mood. Mama answered the 'talking box' and, sure enough, it was for me. I heard a woman's voice in the receiver. It was Rosi inviting me to a paty in Birmingham. Shocked and so happy to hear a female voice, I inquired "Rosi who?" It was Rosi Ropa in Birmingham. I was so embarrassed.
The party is at 8:00 on Friday, tomorrow night, at her apartment on 10th Ave, on the Southside. She gave me her phone number in the event I needed it: 933-2093.

15 July, Birmingham/Homewood, Al

At the party were mainly Baha'sa from the Birmingham Community. With the exeception of 2 or 3, they were all new to me.
As a resuly of this party, I feel better about the Faith.

17 July, Childersburg, Al

A dream, as usual. I was sitting, somewhere on the sidewalk leading to school, on that side of the Viaduct (overpass). On the redio was playing Shaun Cassidy's "Doo Run Run."
While this was playing, Shirley Jones, Shaun's Mother, and actress, walked by. I mentioned to her that I liked her son's record. She came over to me.
Another dream I am trying to remember. Somehow, it has escaped me. (continued)




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