Al.

Honesty.
2011-06-20 06:51:56 (UTC)

I miss you.

Everything has changed. I don't know how or when things got so bad. I remember this time last year, we were probably talking this very day and making plans with eachother. We always made plans, but those plans never worked out. I guess I should have known then. I know it wasn't all your fault. In fact, most of it was mine. But you promised you would always be there for me, who knew always was so short? Not me. I thought always meant forever. Remember all those words you said to me? Remember all those secrets I told to you? Remember all those memories we once held so near? The worst part about it is, I believed you when you said I could trust you, and I believed you when you said, you would always like me. This isn't one of those stupid stories about how girl meets boy. boy is player, girl thinks boy has changed, and then girl falls for boy, and boy plays girl. That's too predictable for us. You were different. You were a nice guy, you would have never hurt me, if it wasn't for everything I did. But I can't accept that everything I did deserved everything you did. And I really can't accept the fact that you don't care. You never were one to show your feelings, but maybe I am wrong. Maybe it was one of those stories of a girl meets boy, and boy plays girl. Maybe I am a fool, maybe every second of every moment we spent together was a lie. Maybe everything I did has nothing to do with what you did. Everyone thought we were meant to be, but clearly, everyone was wrong. Now you are with her, or I guess you aren't anymore. I heard she rejected you the way I rejected you, and then the way you rejected me, for her. At first I felt happy, and I know that's wrong, and horrible. To be happy, at the thought of someone elses sadness. The someone else of which I thought I was in love with at one point in time, but I couldn't help it. But don't worry, because now I feel horrible again. Because it opened my eyes to the fact that we really are over. How can we be over though, when we barley ever started? It opened my eyes, because even without her, you still don't want me. You told me the reason we couldn't be best friends anymore, was because she told you, you weren't allowed to talk to me anymore, because of the feelings that you once had for me. It makes me sick to think about her, and you, together. But it makes me even more sick to think about you and her not together, and you still not here for me. Maybe this is all a little over dramatic, but no one can ever understand, because no one knows how we were. No one knows anything about us, we always kept to ourselves about our "relationship" I was the first girl you ever came out and told that you liked. And you were the first guy I was able to tell all my secrets too, even the ones that are to painful for me to admit to myself, I was able to admit to you. We haven't been friends for 5 months. We haven't been "lovers" I guess you could say in 10 months. But it doesn't matter, because all of my feelings have stayed the same. I was never one to get serious about a guy, but then I met you, and that scared me. I couldn't admit how much I liked you until it was too late. And for that, I am deeply sorry. But in the end, it seems I only hurt myself.




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