WhoopsieII

WhoopsieII
2011-06-19 19:45:28 (UTC)

To Start With

Well I feel l like I have talked so much over the last 7 years, and while you are a great listener, I still feel a lot of what I say doesn't sink in.

I now believe you say "no" to everything I ask for. This is a very frustrating feeling, and it makes the relationship feel very restrictive. I tell you this, but I feel like you resist what I am saying and it doesn't sink in. Because this is now my belief, my subconscious looks for occasions to support this belief and it makes it hard for me to see when you do say "yes".

Another problem is that I don't know how to argue with you. You say "no" and that is the end of it. You don't pause to listen to counter arguments. Emotional arguments mean nothing to you but everything to me. I feel like any arguments I make are written off and totally done with. But this is ME and how I feel. I need to be heard. I need to be respected. When you write my arguments off, you are writing ME off.

So two specific things that are bothering me are:

I just want to get a stupid hook for the kids' room. Just a hook. Seriously why can't you just say fine? Their room is a dump and a dive and a hook would give C a place to hang her sweaters and purses.

Regarding that situation brings to light our lack of communication. I have no idea if the room bothers you, if you want to change it, whcn you want to change it, if you care if I change it. I want to talk about this with you but it is like pulling teeth. Pulling teeth with a piece of hay... it ain't gonna happen. It is so frustrating not being able to plan and discuss things with you. Fine, say no to the hooks but tell me book shelves would be fine... tell me SOMETHING. But, then, where are the purses supposed to go? I really wish we could plan things together. You are SO difficult to work with because team work required communication. I don't know how to be a team with you. That is what I want, but I am very unhappy.

Another thing is those stupids cans of sliced mushrooms. Ok, seriously they weren't going to break the bank. You know it, I know it. I think you need to give me a little more room to make decisions. Saying "no" made me feel like you don't understand my life and don't care to. You don't realize what it is like for me to prepare meals for the family every day. Three meals a day. I am also trying to keep our kids active and happy, so I may not get to the grocery store before I want the mushrooms for YOUR dinner. Just let me get the stupid mushrooms and forget about the 14 cents we could have saved. I think I deserve the 14 cents. Do you know how much work it is to drag the kids to the grocery store and back home. It is worth more than 14 cents. So now I feel like you saved 14 cents at the cost of having your wife feel like you don't appreciate or respect her efforts at feeding you well. All the effort I put into the meals means I get to waste 14 cents on the groceries if it saves me a trip this week.

I think you need to consider your "no"s and the effect it has.

Wheeww I feel better!!! :)




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