Where am I now?
On Friday I was a bit overwhelmed with thoughts and was sad most of the day hence my letter to God. I knew I had to pep myself up as we had a 40th birthday party (dinner) to attend later that evening. It was the wife of my cousin. She is my wife’s friend and she was actually my girlfriend before matching up with my cousin and finally getting married a few years ago (about 10 yrs now). This I suspect also may have added to my feelings. May be I was thinking of what was not (subconsciously) but at the forefront was still that feeling of sadness just general sadness.
I was able to pep myself up and got to the party looking fine. My wife was already there as she helped with the decorations. The evening was quite nice and we had a good time. During the party I noticed my wife was having a conversation with my brother who lives in Africa and as she just got back I suspected it was about the trip. I mentally noted to ask my brother later. Now, to give a bit more information about her trip to Africa. I am not sure if I mentioned this but she has a friend over there that I don’t approve. She doesn’t have a job but lives off what she can get off men. My wife and her were very goof friends from childhood and my wife explained to me that she is still her friend irrespective of what people say until she actually betrays her. My brother knowing the girl gave me a lot of story about her which I told my wife. When she went to Africa the girl I must say did go out of her ways to make the trip pleasant for my wife and I ensured my brother is follow them out on the 2 occasions they went partying. After the Saturday wedding the girl took my wife on a boat trip (on the Sunday) which was owned by a rich guy and there were a few girls on the boat as well. On her trip to Africa she was mainly hanging out with her friend and some other girl she met through her friend. After getting back home my wife told me about the boat trip and later on he friend told her that the other girl was just sleeping around with men. My wife was in shock but I told her not to be as both of them were like that, she reluctantly agreed. Unknown to me on the boat one of the guys there was surprised how my wife looked after children and promised to send her money for presents for the children….bull shit! My wife thought nothing of it but when she got back to London her friend kept on telling her that the money will come etc. When the money arrived my wife decided to remit the whole thing to her friend but told her to send about 25% of it to another mutual friend. Of course her friend showed my wife her through nature by agreeing to do just that and by the time the money arrived she kept everything. My wife was very angry with her and they fell out and thank God they are no longer friends. This I later gathered was what she was discussing with my brother. At that stage she had not told me anything. More worrying when she wanted to remit the money to her friend she told me to give her our broker’s details as she wanted to send her friend her money. At this stage she did not tell me that it was some man on the boat that sent her the money.
Now, on our way back from the party (I had had a few to drink) she now told me the whole story. I was so upset and angry that she did not mention it to me immediately the money arrived (she said there was nothing to say initially as she did not believe the money will come but she suspects her friend must have hassled the guy for the money and asked her for a cut but she sent everything). I was angry that giving where we currently are why did you not tell me as soon as the money entered your account or at the very least when she was asking for the currency broker name she could have mentioned it but again just glossed over it saying it was her friends money. I told her I wanted to get out of the car (she was driving) she reluctantly slowed down and I got out. She then stopped the car and followed me on the street and persuaded me to get back in the car. I gave her a piece of my mind …how I felt….I would not write the details here. We got home and stayed in the car (on the drive way) while chatting for about an hour….mainly going over the whole saga again…how I felt….her relationship with her friend I didn’t approve and this transfer of money.
The next day a Saturday was spent (all day in bed) and we talked over the whole thing. The main point was she was able to explain the money transfer better and I did sense it was her friend that pressed for the money but the fact is she did not tell me for about a week and even told me it was her friend’s money during the transfer. I told her how I felt earlier on in the day before the party and she said this has to stop. That I have to move on or it will destroy us and everything else. She spoke about earlier on in our marriage how she use to disapprove my going out with my friends and she use to wait for me all night when I went out. How she didn’t want me going to night clubs ten also she found my phone bill and I had been texting somebody (more on this). When she found the txt she said she was moving out with the children. A mate and I met this girl at a bar and she was more interested in my mate but he was so drunk he didn’t collect her no but she gave it to me (probably for him). I did text her a few times and I agreed we did flirt on the text but it did not go on for more than 2 days and ended it. I had lunch with her once but was never interested in any relationship of any form with her. When my wife found out I did explain as much as I can. She says even though she never knew for sure what ever happened in that relationship she made a decision to move on….she also made a decision not to worry too much when I go out and she has since learnt to enjoy our relationship. She begged me not to let this saga destroy our relationship and me. She says I have to just forget about it and move on….that nothing ever happened with her boss…she is not interested in having any relationship other than platonic with anybody apart from me…she also says she has male friends but they are simply friends mainly from work and she will never dream of betraying me. She called it blind faith….I should trust in her and have faith in her….same way she does of me….
She has recently been given a bigger role at work. Why? Is he trying to compensate her for all the aggro? Make her work load increase thereby have more access to her and rekindle whatever they had? All these thoughts go through my mind.
Where am I now?
I agree with her that I just have to find a way to move on which I am trying to do.
I am angry that she formed this relationship (with her boss) whatever it was that involved textng, sending pics, emailing, sending msges in the middle of the night etc
I am disappointed in her lies…I don’t really know where I stand with the lies…they scare me…it is as if she is very comfortable hiding details from me….what else is she hiding or what else can she do as she can lie about it
I am frustrated that I don’t really know what happened between her and her boss
I am still shocked that for so long I did not really notice her relationships (platonic or not)
I want to enjoy the present. My wife is really making an effort both with the kids and I.
I am hopeful about the future…..I am very hopeful…..I believe we will survive this and come out with a blessed marriage.