Timothy

So...

12 weeks. thats how long I've been working for the booze delivery service. today, I'm getting fired. call me psychic, but when they hired someone last week, and then fired him, and then hired some new girl on saturday and the boss says "I wanted to hire two people", that should have been my first clue. fucking hell. now I'm borked. but not completely borked, just mostly. I knew it was too good to last.

these things happen. my boss is one of those passive aggressive types, didn't like me parking in the driveway, used the car to make sure no one could, even though, me and adam both nearly got tickets because of all the inane construction going on. ok, so, maybe I'm panicking for nothing. but with my track record, I don't think it's unjustified. in any event, tomorrow morning, should be interesting, and I'll find out for sure.

so. I have 4 years, two months, and 15 days to wait, before I can get that little piece of paper that says I get to go back to being a human being again, not that I'm counting. who me? count? never. speaking of math, I'm going to find myself some adult education courses and try, make the attempt, to reach a passable level of mathematicalness, that when I go back to university and take stupid things like business calculus I won't bang my head against a wall. too hard.

I've decided, come september I'm fucking off to Aussie-Land for 3 months, then New Zealand for 3 months, and coming back to canadia, and buckling down for what may prove to be either exceptionally rewarding, or a complete and utter disaster in the making. I've been trying to go back to school for so long, I'm not sure if I even want to go to school again, but, without it, I may be doomed to mc'job's, or, going back to what I've tried very hard not to be anymore. that said, one can fight for a better life, or one can simply coast through life and be miserable. I for one, was meant for an exceptional life, the last 10 years however, have been anything but a struggle to survive whatever the world throws in my face. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being a gypsy. Just living isn't enough, survival isn't enough. I have dreams, ambitions, desires beyond sitting in a basement typing on my laptop endlessly surfing while life goes on around me outside and I do little else. It's killing me, and I know it is.

So, onwards and upwards. I stopped being friends with 2 people in the last 3 months, one because he was simply too negative, too pessimistic, too "the world is shit, your life is shit" for me to be around. I need friends I can count on to build me up, not tear me down and poopoo on my goals, however difficult they may be, they are mine, and I will not stop, I cannot be stopped. It's that whole, put your mind to something and eventually you'll break, or it will. the other, he simply ceased to truly be a friend, and we've gone our separate ways, and the likely hood of me ever speaking to him again, is slim to nil. I think I may end up with two or three more people in the same ilk. such is life, such as it is.

so, thats the plan. fuck off for 6 months, sit on a beach, surf, sail, enjoy another country, then come back and ease myself into the womb of university life once more. I did 6 years of it, and came out with nothing, except MOSTLY a Double Major and a Triple Minor. I think the next 4 will be far more productive, especially since I won't be falling on my own sword trying to figure out what I want to do. I know what I want now. I'm going to go out and get it.

Tempus Fugit.

so. I'm home alone again. I think I need to get over the fact that Liam doesn't want to hang out with me, sure we live together, but I think he's annoyed with me for some reason, not sure what, but, well, he doesn't want to hang out and do anything, outside of the house. This shouldn't bother me, but it does. I think perhaps it's because he wanted me here initially to be a buffer between Ophelia and himself, now that she's gone, my purpose, as it were, has been fullfilled. He hasn't asked me to move out, unlike Ophelia did (and then promptly moved out herself, while decrying that I needed to so they could sell the house, well, we all know what a bunch of horse manure that one was.), as it doesn't make much sense for me to pay someone else rent money while I could help Liam out here with it. Also, there's Ophelia's "why do I have to pay anything, I moved out" speech which didn't work out as well as I'm thinking she expected it to.

Why she's still procrastinating on she and Liam seeing a divorce lawyer together and finally signing the papers to sell the house, is apparently anyones guess. No one knows other than her, and I think the reason she hasn't, is as a way to punish Liam for not having to start at zero, like she has to. Liam now has 2 jobs, both he can do from home on a computer, and he's making $5000 a month, whereas Ophelia is stuck in her deadend $11 an hour Walmart job. She's left with nothing (once the house sells, she's debt free, but still can't buy a house on her own), but her clothes, and some boxes of books and such. I know she's angry, she expected liam to fight to stay together, but with her "more than friendship" with Dave, Liam simply wouldn't budge, and his own apathy set in. Now he's laughing all the way to the bank. And once the house does sell, he's off to the Phillipines to find himself a nice servile asian wife, (yes, it is EXACTLY what it sounds like, the whole "North American" women are too entitled, liberated, bs etc, etc. makes me mental, but hey, he can do what he likes), like that guy who I was rooming with back in Montreal last summer (funny how he too got divorced and immediately went and got himself a Thai wife), and for whom I had nothing but contempt for.

So, here I am, sitting, doing laundry, on a saturday night, unemployed, fairly friendless (Jan and Ashley are in Montreal, Liam doesn't want to chill, and everyone else I used to be friend with here, either moved, or I burned a few too many bridges during my temperamental '05 to '06 scorched earth campaign), feeling sorry for myself. Also being utterly broke every week even though I was fully and gainfully employed, the bills were just too much. Funny, if it'd been two weeks from now that I'd been fired, everything would be fine. If I had $700 I'd be golden. sigh. Put the car up for sale, if I get my asking price, I'll give liam rent for July/August and buy a scooter for the summer. If I don't, well, then we'll see what we will see.

What happens in september? is anyones guess, I'll either go to New Zealand/Australia, or, I'll enroll at carleton or the university of victoria, or university of bc, or, Mcgill for January, and go from there. All in all, next week is going to be very taxing.