2011-05-29 11:30:31 (UTC)

You walked in when he walked out...

It has been a crazy spring so far. I thought last June when the engagement was announced that it was the beginning of the rest of my life. But so much has happened since then. So much has built itself up then crashed right down bringing me down right with it. I can't say I regret anything though. Every step has led me down this winding path right to where I am now. But so much has happened and I definitely got moving out of my system. If it were up to me I'd never move again.
Last night stirred up some old feelings. Someone I would consider a good friend came back into contact with me. I never would have guessed my night would end with me talking to him though. I remember him listening to every word I ever had to say. Listening and expecting nothing in return. Every whiny, hopeless cry I had he took it all and always left me with a smile on my face. Is it wrong to want this to work out? Even though 75% of me feels like it's just another step towards yet another failed relationship to add to the list. I wish just once I could put myself out there, and not get stepped on. It's happened to many times I'm not even crushed anymore when things fall apart. I'm just accustomed to the pain and in return I've become numb. My only hope is that one day, when the right person does come alone, unconsciously I'll know it and all my walls will crumble down on their own.
Summer semester is about to start and I am rather nervous. A lot lies on this trig class and taking it online will be a challenge I think. Especially because summer semesters give you half the time to do a whole semesters work anyway. And with working 70 hours a week I am starting to wonder when I am going to burn out from doing all of this. I need a shoulder sometimes but I am pretty good at convincing myself I don't need anybody but myself. Good or bad?
Graduating in the fall is going to be great. Amazing. Long awaited. I am eager to begin my practicum and explore my chosen field.
I am excited to see how current events play out.
Could it be a new beginning?

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