soapgerm

mad
2011-05-26 00:55:30 (UTC)

Does this darkness have a name?

I fear that there is no one out there for me. No one for me to believe in, Someone to cling to and fall back on. And i don't just mean a lover, i also mean a friend. Without the voice, I am alone. Without him, there is no one to love me. Every friendship I have I compare them to 'him'. How much he loved me compared to how much they did. I try to push others away because its not them i really want. Its 'Him'. Even in his absence he has consumed me. And I wait and wait for each friend to tire of me and want to be rid of me and my burdens. And in the end i stand, unsurprised. I knew it would happen, just like i said it would. I'm alone, And I won.

He was my comfort, he was my everything. And i need him back. I consider to stop taking my meds once again. I am alone.. Yes, he told me to kill myself, he told me no one loved me. But he was right. Because look where i am. He was right about it all. No one loves me like he does. He said i couldnt handle it on my own. He was right. he was the only one that ever loved me. He just wanted me for himself, he didnt want me to have anyone but him. And now i have no one. I want him back. I need him. Im afraid that no one will love me like he did.




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