Joan

Chapter 34.5
2011-05-17 10:23:38 (UTC)

Stupid Songs :o(

Man, I can't even listen to music without thinking about him.

The lyrics... I just can't believe he doesn't want to be with me. Talk about denial. Is it egocentric? He loved me so much. The things I want to do for him now would put him on top of the world! Having him happy, would make him want to make him happy. Why didn't I realize that before it was too late. Before I was a selfish bitch who made him move out :o(

My mind is back to racing about him and making it hard to concentrate at work - hence now I'm back to writing in this diary.

I use to look out my front door and looked at the windshield of the car thinking maybe he'd leave a note on my car. Today I thought about going to his work and leaving a note on his windshield... but I guess those things are only sweet and "acceptable" when you're together. Now it'd be stalking or harassment :o(

I'd also like to make him a CD of music with all these songs that are touching me. We liked a lot of the same music.

I just feel there is a door that I can open and "get to" him and make him realized I'm ready. I'm ready to try again.

Sometimes I am beginning to accept it is over and not think about this... but other times, like today, it is all I can think about.

Pathetic me.




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