LifeKills

Depressed Teen
2011-05-06 21:13:03 (UTC)

may 6, 2011

Heey,
If i said everything that was wrong with my life at the moment, we'd be here forever. And like anyone accutally cares. When people ask you how your feeling, they never accutally care about what your answer is. I could say "Im really suicidal" and odds are theyre response would be something along the lines of "Oh, that must suck," that would be the end of it. So why do people even ask. People just lie about their answers, anyways, there is really no point.
Its amazing how hypocritical people can be. My best friend got mad at this guy because he would never give her a straight answer, and he would go on these streaks where they wouldnt talk much. I have spent countless hours listening to my friends complain about him, but now shes doing the exact same thing to me. I dont mind it, to a certain extent, but not, its getting riduclous. If i told her any of this, she's flip shit.
I just want to run up to Thomas, and let it all out. Crying is not something I do, like at all, but right now Im at the point where I need to. I just need to get all of it out. But I dont want to do it alone. I am not sure if he reads this diary, but i hope he does. There is so much bullshit that goes on in my life, and for 2 years, he is the one thing that has remained steady.
I have a secret. That almost no one knows. Im going to share this with you. My whole life I have struggled with this one thing. Ive always been told the same thing by the people that do know. Either "This will cause extreme health problems," or "Please, for me." If you havnt figured out what this is. Its about eating. I wont eat for days, even weeks at a time. Im not proud, at all. When I try to eat after I havnt, I throw up. My body is rejecting the food. Some people call it belimia, i call it normal. I am not a super skinny girl. There are many reasons why i dont eat. But its all really complicated.
Just because I lie, doesnt make me a liar. Juse because I dont eat, doesnt make me unhealthy. Just because I cry, doesnt make me weak. Just because I hide it, doesnt mean Im fine. Just because I smile, doesnt mean that I am happy.
I dont remember if I have mentioned this in earlier entries. But there was that one guy, and I dont know what I was thinking. He is just a dick. At least I know I can tell the bad ones away from the good one.
There is this guy in my french class. We just started talking really recently. We've been flirting for a few days now. I dont know if he likes me or not. He makes me smile, and he is funny. He even has a nickname for me, "Frekles". People in my french class have been pointing out that we have been flirting, so apperently were not hiding it very well. I dont know. I mean, he is really cute. I guess well have to see what happens.

- LifeKills




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