blueberry

Confessions of a married woman
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2011-04-29 19:24:42 (UTC)

Confused

Wow... today my head has been filled with A! I can't stop thinking about that fool. About his lips, about his hands, about his smell. I want him all over me. I want him so bad, just for me. I know I'm not suppoes to be having "personal" feeligns for him, because him and I just can't be... EVER! I haven't heard from him and it stresses me out! Why does he do this? Is he afraid too? Is he afraid he's going to have more serious feelings for me? I need to see him, pronto!

Anyway, we (my husband and I) haven't established a relationship with each other yet. So we are techincally not "husband and wife" again, or whatever, he hasn't said anything, he really hasn't committed, well at least I thought. Until this morning. He called me to work to ask how I was doing. I told him I was doing well. I asked what he was going to do today, and he said, I'm going to go see my mom but before I'm going to go see her. I was honestly shocked... I said, "see who?" he said, "her, you know who". I said.. "why?", he said, "just to see how she's doing". I asked "are you going to behave?" he said, "yes" I don't trust him though of course. That is so weird that I don't have any trust for him. I told him, "I am actually surprised you told me" he asked "why? would you rather I didn't?" I said, "it's not that it's just that I don't know where WE stand, but okay, have a good one" .. that is so fucking weird! What the fuck does this mean? That I'm in an exclusive relationship with him again?! Holy hell... Help! Do I want this!??!?! OMG I'm scared! Why is my life so complicated!? I wish I had answers from a more powerful source... what do I do. I have guidelines to start over, but I guess that is a good start on HIS behalf. I will not proceed with this relationship without a counselor and he knows this. I need to gain his trust back, because at this point I don't know if I can trust myself. Wow! I didnt think it would come down to this.! Shit!


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