Aeryn Sun

Uncharted Territories
2011-04-27 16:54:30 (UTC)

I knew I loved you before I met you

I'm in MS for tech school and it's just like college. I plan on being more focused this time around but it's kinda hard when the classes are f-ing boring. I spent so much time trying to stay awake during the last couple days of block 1 that I didn't even pay attention to the lesson. But I passed it, now in block 2 where we get hands on work. Will hopefully be done by July, then go home for a couple weeks, then off to my 1st duty station in .... wait for it ... Germany. Yes, I got lucky and will be going overseas, can't wait to be officially working.

About 2 yrs ago (Really off-limits) I mention my uncle's fiance's nephew - MD. We met when I went to visit his aunt, the day I was leaving. I was instantly attracted to him, sucked that we didn't meet until I was on my way out the door. But I eventually got his contact info and we started talking and even made plans to see each other. Well, my trip to see him didn't go to well and we kinda stopped talking after that. @ the time he was living in MD and I was going to school in CA and only in NY during school breaks. We hadn't spoken for about a yr or so and when we finally did he told me that he was getting married and having a baby. Didn't speak to him after than. It wasn't intentional, just lost contact w/ each other.

A few weeks ago, out of the blue, he IMed me. Ever since we've been talking pretty regularly, almost on a daily basis. And he's even making plans to come down and visit me, as soon as he gets some $$ together. He's working part time, having a rough time finding a better job, not much going on in his life, feeling really down. I feel for him b/c this time last yr I was in his position, minus the part time job. I was trying to maintain a platonic relationship but somehow it evolved. And then last night he confessed that he had fallen for me when we 1st started talking. Wow.

...
F: I liked u from the moment I saw u
R: awe
R: i fell in love with you before, but the long distance issue was something I wasnt ready for
F: u fell in love w/ me?
F: how did that happen?
R: it just did, through all our conversations
R: we never spent any time together, and i think that made me want you more
F: wow, i had no idea
R: but i couldnt have you
...
F: so how do u feel now?
R: i'm really lonely and vulnerable, and if i said I wanted a solid relationship with you, i dont know that I could make it work
R: or that "we" could make it work
F: why not?
R: what if you end up stationed in afganistan somewhere
F: forget about the distance, what if that wasn't an issue?
R: if that wasnt an issue, I'd say lets do it
F: fuck
R: lol what??
F: i wish distance wasn't an issue, i'm going to be stationed overseas
...

I've known about being stationed overseas for days now, but didn't tell him b/c I was worried that it would end whatever is developing betw us right now. I don't know if it will, I hope not. I was down today, from the moment I got out of bed, probably b/c I've been thinking about him and how if I got stationed in VA then we could have worked something out. I can probably change w/ 1 of the guys stationed there, but I'll prob not get another chance to live abroad, might not re-enlist, depends on the economy. He even told me to go. I wanna see him so bad, I hope he can visit. Or at least that this thing lasts so that I can visit him when I'm done here.




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