becsta8

Disassociative
2011-04-26 12:00:13 (UTC)

Puzzled

I guess making this diary is a better way for me to vent than put it on all of my friends all the time....

I hate this trying to figure out who i am and who i want to be with, or more to the point who would have me.. I guess that the old saying "past experiance" is a killer...trying to work out why the people that i want i cant have... men and women. This isnt relly going to be my life is it?
I feel as though i give so so much and now i am ready to recive, but where the fuck is it?

U know what i think i am just unlovable, i know i know, blah blah....

But i cant figure out why, its not that i am arrogent or even cocky, but i cant see what everyone eles is seeing to make them not fall in love with me....Its somthing i am missing and i am trying to figure out so hard what the fuck it is.

One would think that being bi, would make things easier, having the best of both worlds and all but its the hardest thing that i am having to deal with. I just wish that it wasnt real. I wish i could wake up and be someone eles, and its slowy killing me.....

I want someone to understand me, i want to make someone feel so good and i want someone to do the same for me of course, i guess i get off more on getting someone off.....

To exaushted, this has to be continued ,,,




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