D

Says who?
2011-04-20 01:41:19 (UTC)

I am not one of your fans.

I went to Jersey. It was absolutely terrible. I dont think I have cried that much, in my life.. halfway home the following day, she had the balls to text and call me asking me to come back she wanted to go to the city with me. The city was my original plan, I wanted to take her out to breakfast. The night before she calls me and tells me she wants to see me, and texts me asking me to come to her. Of course I am going to do it, I would walk on fire for her. I drove through the worst storm ever, took me a lot longer than I had anticipated, but the entire time on the road all i could think about was how close I was getting to her... I finally arrive and I just wanted to collapse in her arms.... her greeting to me wasnt as warm as I wished it to be, but um yeah I know this all too well already and really should I have honestly expected more? She tells me we are going to go get a bite to eat and watch a movie.. I am all excited but very short lived because she wasnt talking about just her and I, of course her cousin had to come with us... we do everything with her, its always about her and the baby which I love dearly but damn it I havent seen her and I wanted and needed to feel close, some one on one time.. things were off and different this time... dinner was a nightmare, I felt like a third wheel like I wasnt even there.. and the movie naturally she picks out a scary movie knowing I dont do scary... I wanted to sit in the middle.. I know, I am a baby, 35 years old but fuck that shit man I cant DO scary ANYTHING.. we come up to a row in the aisle and she makes me go first, so she follows me and her cousin is on the other side of her.. whatever I dont make a big deal but THANK YOU for looking out, no, no really! I am freaking out in the movie because I am scared, she is telling me to grow up. Would have been nice to have her arm around me, or her hand extended for me so i knew it was her way of being supportive close and feeling safe for me. After being scared aggrivated and wanting to just get the hell up and walk out, I just swallowed it all and slid my hand under arm, up and around so i can hold her.. and hide behind her if I needed to. After the movie she looks at her couisn and tells her cousin her arm is going to fall off because of how hard I was holding on and tight, her cousin rolls her eyes, we leave. Get to the house, its still all about the couisn, Its getting late at this point. If it wasnt raining I was leaving. I just felt so uncomfortable. We fall asleep on the opposite side of the bed, i face the wall because she had her back to me. Why am I here? Why did she tell me she wanted me to come? To see if I would? We wake up the next morning and I dont even get a good morning, she gets out of bed and goes in her cousins room and gets the baby. Am I not here? Where am I? Am I still on earth? Pinch me, am I dreaming?? I get up out of bed and I tell I would like to take her to the city, just YOU AND ME, let me buy you lunch... no, she wants to go to her grandmas and spend time with her family, "she hasnt seen them" OMG YOU LIVE with your family and your grandma is ten mins away of course you have seen her. I come back with well you havent seen me and I want to spend time with you, alone time, I need it. Shes not having it.. I gather my things and tell her I am leaving.. she lets me... she texts me seconds after I leave that she cant stand me and I am selfish. I am still puzzled with this. IS she crazy? Is it me? I dont get it. I cry, I tell her I cant do this anymore and to please just leave me alone. Dont contact me, I need to get to where she is with all of this. I want to NOT care anymore. I want to be strong. I get a text halfway home about coming back and the city comment. She threw in my face she wants to see other people, so I gave it right back to her and told her I want to see other people too. I am out of my damn mind. I LOVE this woman, WHY??




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