the girl in the orange sweater

It's a tale to tell
2011-04-14 04:42:16 (UTC)

Sick and sleepless

I never hated anyone in my entire life. 

And then came you. 
I never hated anyone...

It's like a rotten hunk of meat on my heart sagging, black and grotesque. I imagine green puss dripping from it,infecting healthier parts of my heart around it. My stomach churns sickly and bile builds ominously in the back of my throat. My muscles turn to jello.

I never hated anyone...
And then came you. 

I see your cruel smile when close my eyes at night. I hear the words "you are worthless" I choke on a scream. I gag on the tears. You're a black stain on my soul and a scab on my past. 

I never hated anyone. 

I wake up, my whimpering pulling me the from the nightmare. I'm drenched in sweat and body shaking. "it wasn't real" i whisper into the darkness. But it was, my mind tells me. It was because you were remembering,not simply just a dream. The agony takes hold,clutching my waist drawing my knees to my mouth to muffle the dry screams. 

I never hated anyone. 

You're like a cancer can't you see? I don't have the ability to be mean to anyone at all. But when you came around you changed something in me. You planted your cancer inside my soul and took everything good about me away. Replaced it with your sickness and the chemo I take everyday does the job of making me ill beyond compare but I don't think it's killing your cancer. I can hear your words ringing in my ear like a sick undeniable truth. "you are worthless" 

I never hated anyone. 
But then came you. 

I hate you. I hate myself. I hate your goddamn cancer. I hate my fucking chemo. And I hate you. 


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