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Reasons Behind my Stealing
Last night we went over to J & J's for a guys' night of drinking. The only issue was that the hubs decided to get fucked up beyond all recognition. He passed out cold in the car and I couldn't wake him up.
As payback, I decided that I would take the $200 he had in his pocket. I figured his drunk ass probably wouldn't know the difference, and wouldn't bring it up with me since I was already mad at him for getting wasted. The plan back-fired though. It turns out he DID notice. He got furious and demanded that I give his money back. He said I couldn't keep stealing money (I had withdrawn $600 after I found out about Spazz).
I ended up in tears. I got defensive and I had to admit aloud that I was hoarding money due to my insecurities. After I found out about Spazz, I found myself in a bind. I wanted to leave the hubs, but I couldn't. I couldn't go back home; I would have to admit to the world that my marriage was a short-lived failure. The only answer would be to disappear on my own. But I didn't have any money to sustain myself.
Even though the hubs and I made up, I constantly think about how he's cheated. He's done it before. He did it now. He could do it again. That money is my ticket towards independence should I ever need to go that route...