About a year later
Thanks to the email reminders, I am back to add to this online pity party.
After re-reading my first, and only, post, I find myself in a different but not altogether different situation. I have again excelled in my career but am no more happy than before.
I still very much love my family, my wife and my children. I am still searching(or procrastinating in my search) for happiness. I still know the secret to my personal happiness, but am still conflicted. The conflict comes from knowing the truth, but being unable to enact that truth in my life, because doing so would mean a division from the one person that I can not be divided from.
She is my wife of 14 years now and I do still, and always will love her. Getting myself, and my children, back in church will cause that a fore mentioned divide.
Do i risked invoking that divide, that could severely limit my access and influence on the kids for my own desire of spiritual truth and happiness, or do I continue to stay on the current course, sneaking in my beliefs and understandings, to children that could very soon choose their own course, that may or may not be the only one course to their true happiness.
conflicts, decisions, and stress. What a way to go.