All that is
i'm so confused, this half term so far has been like movies galore for me. im done with nick - so he doesnt speak to me for about 2 weeks, and then i randomly get a call from him on tuesday evening... and he goes 'i'm just trying to remember when i last saw you...' i mean who says that? like how self important do you want to start off? as if i;m some like lonely puppy waiting for him to get back to him, and he's asking me because apparantly i'll be able to remember because obviously i've been meticulously keeping track of every single day that has passed since we last spoke??? Man's deluded. what an ass. and then he starts talking about how he's been so busy 'i've been really busy these last couple of...plus i've got my grandmother's 90th birthday to attend so i'm outta town this weekend, and i don't know what to get her, we're still trying to come up with something..i don't know if you've got any suggestions...' complete rambling and babbling... and then i reply with an unenthusiastic but honest answer saying maybe take her somewhere, at this point in her life she'd rather have memories than possesions....etc then eventually he says so maybe we could catch up like early next week...? and i say yeh maybe, he must have sensed my cool a little bit, because he began rambling again, saying something about secret cinema 'you know, i didn't know secret cinema was on again...' then i said yeh etc.. eventually he said so yeh maybe early next week, to which i responded.. 'yeh maybe.. . I'l let you know what i'm doing'. and then he said ok i've gotta go cos i'm going to a dinner blah blah (very self important again..) then we said bye.
Well n, that ship's sailed. I won't be seeing him again. not intentionally anyway. Its a shame because i actually kinda really liked him and his company, and was i guess attracted to him. He just turned out to be a bit of a jerk, and im glad i found that out and he's outta here. I mean you don;t make an attempt to contact me for like a whole 2 weeks, even tho i texted him the day after we saw each other last. not that i cared that much in the first place that i didnt hear from him, because at that time my feelings about him could have gone either way easily. what annoyed me more were the circumstances that it happend in or the niggling little things that he'd say or do. first of all, he didn't pay for our first 'date'. i put this in marks, because i wasn't even sure if it was a date in the first place, because i paid my own bill. which at the time was ok by me. i thought ok, a: its just two friends meeting to catch up, even tho there might be something more, or b: he just wants to gage my interest in him to see if i'm worth the fuss or not. then after that night, i kinda just went with the moment and kissed him right then and there as we said good bye and he kissed back. then i caught a cold from it for the last 2-3 weeks but that's another thing. then after that night we met up again and we went to a japanese restaurant near his place (mind you i always felt like he was working towards some kind of end goal mind you, isn't every guy, but with him i felt that there was something a bit strategic and calculating about the way he would approach our dates, or our conversations or me in fact. I also felt like he was seeing how to best cut any excess 'routes' of getting to know each other. so he'd never directly ask me much about myself - any of the usual questions you'd ask someone you're getting to know. and all of this was transparent, but as usual i made some excuses in my mind, to keep the fun going. he did make me laugh. but looking back i now see how it was just cos he was all about the end goal so on our second 'date' we wen to a japanese place near him dinner was fun, and then the bill came and i brought out my wallet, and thought maybe this time he might jump in and say 'no no let me' but he just watched me do it and i did. still again i thought little of it, but i came prepared so i was fine. i thought maybe he wants to assert that he's not gonna be a meal ticket etc... but whatev's. so on the third date, we went to this private member's club of his, and then we talked and laughed and i caught out some rather telling things he said which were (badly suble) indications of what his intentions were that night later on. e.g he said this is now the third date and you still got... blah blah something or other. the fact that he highlighted that it was the third date, meant that he wanted to get laid that night. like bringing it to my attention, in such an obvious way. ok, he's an intelligent guy, but he must not have much experience in this field cos he wasn't able to get much past my radar. then i got a cocktail and the glass was sugar rimmed, and he was saying how i've pretty much licked all the sugar off it, and then how i'd pretty much sucked all the sugar off.. if that's not blantantly suggestive i don't know what is. then that night, he paid for my drinks. the only time that he ever did... and we go to his eventually, and as soon as we step through the door, he pulls me back by my shoulder and we begin to kiss. and it gets really hot and heavy, he's obvioulsy has the notion that we'll do it that night. nothing comes off, thankfully, but he takes me from the couch and into the bedroom (where he literally pushes me onto his bed...(at which i cringe at a tiny bit but try to laugh off in the spirit of things..)..) then he starts to undo the first 2 buttons of his shirt while we kiss.. obviously i was turned on, and so was he quite obviously at this point. he tries to go up beneath my top but i shake my head and smile, indicating no.... then eventually we stop (cos i have to eat my duck fried rice - which he didn't pay for, but fair enough...) and then i eventaully leave. But i just think that after that, he should have called or something. but he didn't because he was being calculating i believe.
1. I actually think he may have actually liked me, but just didn't know how to play it so he chose to play 'hard' but for 2 weeks, that overstepping it a bit. He's not an arsehole, he just tried to behave like one i think.
2. but more what's annoying is that the only time that he pays for something i have which is only one drink costing like £7-8, is the night he tries to get into my pants. which reinforces what i already suspected: he has the mentality of you don't get something for nothing, or paying for her should equate to her taking her clothes off. which along with his other behaviour just reflects his attitude about money. he would talk about money not per say, but about how some women are just sponging off their husbands, and eg he mentioned gabby not bothering to get a membership for that hideous members club because 'the boyfriend already has one'... And i thought, well, you wouldnt bother would you? you live together, you're a 'partnership' you'd probably go there together, so what would be the point? besides i'm sure it's his pleasure, as it should be any guy's who was into their girlfriend or wife! that's literally how he thinks - each to his own. even if you love eachother??! that to me was just beyond odd. it definitely reflected his character - that he was stingy. and yes he was - the fact that he never bought me anything - not that this is what matters, but the fact that he knew i was a student and he often mention his 'well paid job' and just never bothered. he'd also just come back from a 6 week holiday all over the world... who on earth wants to be with someone that has a mind that works that way. if you're not gonna shell out on a first date to someone who's made an effort to look nice for you, then when are u?
3. And then even more telling and reinforcing what i've just ranted about, is that he didn't contact me for 2 weeks after i didn't sleep with him (jack also thinks) - that he was annoyed that nothing happened, after spending some money on me...! what a prick. nope. he's not someone i'll be seeing again, touch wood. It's the money part that gets me riled up, i mean i find people that behave like that so repelling, let a lone dating one. it made me feel kinda uncomfortable.
but then i've been seeing phil which has been a breath of fresh air in comparison, because he's so lovely and generous (he'll always want to settle the bill and take into account that i study) and so inquisitive about me, i've never been with a guy who wanted to know so much about me... i guess you don't know how you should be treated until someone comes along and shows you. the thing with phil tho is i'm not sure how attracted to him i am... but i like a cuddle and he always holds me when we sleep and i feel good lying next to him. if only i was less shallow, or he was more my type... sigh.