I couldn’t write my dairy for the last 2 days because it all came to a head and I was busy throughout discussing my marriage.
Let us take it from the beginning.
I got in to town on Monday morning and when I got home the kids and my wife were all upstairs getting ready for school and work.
My wife and I needed to update our employment form online before the start of business so she quickly used my PC and sent out a mail from her yahoo account and had to dash to work. I was about to fill mine and also go into work when I noticed that her yahoo account was still opened. I decided to check it out….and I found some correspondence with her boss. They were corresponding via private emails (not work) and blackberryipad. The tones of the conversations were very familiar and were both very comfortable with themselves. But I must admit the thyme of the conversation was her advising him to cub his philandering ways. Yet what did not make sense at that time was why did she not admit to this when I first saw her BBM on her phone. I was so confused I went to see a friend at work to discuss the issue. He was very supportive and said there may be a good reason for all these and I should confront her. Which I did when she got home that night. The first thing she did when she got home was try and log into my PC (I changed the password) so she told me to come and log her in which I did and I went back upstairs. It was obvious she was trolling her email account looking for any incriminating evidence. I had copied and deleted these mails.
When she came upstairs I told her I will be filling for a divorce because I knew she who she was engaging with and she had consistently lie and neglected me. She then went with her usual tactics of let us discuss what I found out (not her telling me what is going on) but if I want to still go with the divorce then fine. So I went to sleep in the kids room. I was up at 4 am as I didn’t sleep a wink…did my exercises and started working on my computer. I could hear her get up around 5 am (probably couldn’t sleep as well) and at about 5:45 am she had showered and dressed up. She came to meet me downstairs and said she wanted to talk. I said she should go on….she said she wanted me to understand that she was not neglecting me …that the whole thing was so hard for her and she didn’t know how to handle the situation….okay (I thought) that is the neglect bit what about the lying bit….I now said are you still saying it was the guy that had left you work, she said yes…and I said….we are not getting anywhere and she left…..she then calls me at work (she was at work as well) and we started talking again and I said to her who is the person and she still maintained it was who she said it was so I told her I was not interested in any conversation again so dropped the phone. She then sends me a bbm finally admitting it was her boss and that it has been tearing her apart and losing a lot of weight because of the lie she told me. She was scared that I will insist she leaves her job if I knew it was him and she didn’t want to leave the job she has worked so hard to get. Since then we have been in deep conversation. She maintains that the general thyme of their conversations was banter and her nagging him on his philandering as he has relationships with other women outside his marriage. It is true that the email I saw was a letter he sent to my wife showing one of his girls confessing her love for him. I could also see her correspondence telling him to change his ways but also there were things she wrote like ”I know you are determined not to send me a BB today, so am I”, she also sent him a picture of her face (she says) and he sent her a semi naked pic of one of his girls which was meant to shock her and so leave him alone and stop nagging him.
I think there must have been some kind of nagging on her part and also banter but it couldn’t have been just that. At the very least their would have been flirting and I don’t know what or if anything happen further than that. She maintains nothing happened like that and they don’t have that kind of relationship, their relationship was more of a brothermentor relationship.
My take? I would have said my wife is not a sexually active person; most times I have to cajole her….she even confessed during one of our conversations that she was put off sex since the birth of our first child and it is a constant battle for her. So I don’t think it was sex or sex involved. Having said that all it takes is one “error of judgement” night for it to happen and then regret. She says she is so relieved the whole thing has come out as it was driving her insane but was so scared to tell me and also because of my health. That is also why I think if something did go on she would not tell me.
I did tell her pretty much how I have felt for sometime now…the neglet, the lack of love etc….she says things will improve and has a lot of catching up to do…..yesterday was actually very good as we exchange a lot of pleasant messages and when I got home we did snuggle and kiss all night. Today has not been to good as a lot of doubt has kicked in and I am asking the same questions…..why send a pic of ur self, why say this why say that…..I actually set up a meeting with a divorce lawyer on Tuesday but cancelled it yesterday (Wednesday)…… she says her boss wants to meet up with me…but I refused….I actually said he should give me his wife’s contact details and after I send her msgs and pics then we can meet!
I plan to draw a line on this whole saga and move on…so hopefully my diary will become boring as I settle in to a normal family life (hopefully)….the trust that has been broken will take a while to be rebuilt by my wife….but the signs are good…..