0Kitana0

Random, seriously.
2011-04-06 13:53:30 (UTC)

Confused n' sad

I don't know what happened last night.
I don't know what happened this morning.
Yesterday after arriving at home, my mother and sister were happy and laughing. Until I came. They stopped laughing and ignored me. I felt like a piece of crap...
Then, I was getting my dinner on my plate, when my dad yelled at me "UGH JESUS CRHIST CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING!?" so he got my dinner on my plate, like... angry!
Then I got upstairs, and got to my computer. My dad came to my bedroom too to play my ps3 (I know right, wtf) and the chair I was sitting on was a bit far form my keyboard so I moved forward with the chair (can't explain it so well) and my dad yelled at me "STOP IT! YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK THE CHAIR!"! I said "ok, sorry..." and leaved.
Then I got back to the room my mom and sister were laughing, I smiled, when they stopped laughing again.
Depressed, I got to the kitchen. I wanted to suicide but I couldn't cut myself so I just started drinking (syrups? I think its called like that) uncontrollably. I didn't drink THAAAAAAAAAAT much but I didn't drink just a little little bit. I started coughing so I decided to stop. My dad leaved the house (because my parents are divorced and my dad only comes here to visit us, me and my sister) and I ran to my bedroom, closed the door and got to my computer. I started crying a bit. I was looking at the window, and I could only think "jump out of the window. jump out of the window. jump out of the window.". I couldn't.
I cleaned my tears and got to my bed and sleep.
Today, I woke up and my father didn't even pick me up for school. My mother was really angry with me. I tried to ask her if I did something bad but she ignored me. I don't know what I did. What if I punched someone? What if I did something horrible?
I also looked at my hamsters cages and they looked different. What if I kicked them?
I don't know. I feel alone. Like no one understands how I am.
I tought I had friends.
I tought I had a life.
I tought I had a family.
I tought I could be hugged.
I tought I could be trusted.
But I am a bitch now. I am what people call me now. I am trash; everyone kicks me, everyone hates me, everyone calls me useless and throw things at me.
And now I only think of.
DEATH.




Ad: