allie

Diary of a crazy girl
2011-04-05 03:10:36 (UTC)

DAY 1

Ok so I have decided I am going to write down how i feel on each day that I am clean SO later if I relapse I can review and maybe figure out what the process was that caused it. Because relapse is a process(I have been doing some addiction research lol)

SO DAY 1
I feel so happy!! ok so I'm not sure what it is but basically I didnt really do anything but lay in bed and watch that office but that is OK because at least i stayed clean for this daY!!!
I then ate dinner with my family and me and my brother talked alot and laughed and I helped my dad on the computer and it was really awesome cause I love it when I am not a drunk/high idiot who hides in the basement instead of spending time with my family. I LOVE IT!!!!! like it makes me soo happy to connect with my parents and brother. Honestly I feel like that alone is enough reason to quit, well it is a huge reason. I love them!

I took:
crystal clear
celexa

at night
vitamin b complex

and I am going to take more crystal clear tonight. PS crystal clear is these detoxing pills I got a while ago and I am supposed to take like 2 of this one kind and hten 1 of the other one twice a day. And honestly I feel like it works!!!!! like i feel so goood today.

I think the thing that is making me most happy is that I am not high. Yesterday was so hard to go through because being high makes me so depressed now and when I"m not high, just the feeling of NOT feeling that horrible depression that takes over me. OMg it feels so good. Even though i DID eat like ALOT omg like that is sort of a problem but its OK becuase i am HAPPY!!!!!! i feel good and im not drinking!! and I know I need to not be too excoted because it's only day 1.
But yah!

Oh another thing I should note is that I didnt takke my celexa for a few days and I took it fofr the first time again last night so that might be contributing to my over happiness.
ok im going back to watch the office!! :):)


PS
I know y ou might be wondering what happened dto the whole "lose 10lbs" Goal and guess what that was the DRUGS lying to me and trying to manipulate my brain into thinkin gthat losing weight is more important then quitting drugs becuase trust me I CANNOT quit drugs without gaining some weight. SO fuck the weight issues for now, I need to get ME back first!!!!!!!!!!!!!




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