allie

Diary of a crazy girl
2011-04-03 05:14:30 (UTC)

I guess I am kind of ok

so i was just laying in my bed watching the office and having pauses in which i sit there and cry about my life, btw that pretty much describes what I do every single day. But I realized that maybe I am just a bit hard on myself. I mean I have come a long way in the past month, I went from doing drugs and drinking vodka every single day to drinking and doing drugs only 3 times in the past month. That is pretty good and btw WOW is that ever fuckkng hard.
THe other thing I was realizing is that I have been completely alone, i mean my parents will always be supportive but they have absaloutely no idea really(and i would like to keep it that way, i suspect guilt could actually kill me)
I have no friends because they do drugs and well I have been tryign to get away from that. Also my ex boyfriend is in jail and he was who i spent alll of my time with and i want NOTHING to do with him ever again.
So yah basically I guesss that is kind of alot to be trying to deal with completely alone... right.. well i hope so.
I feel like I should get some counceling or something, that would probably help me. But I guess the upside to all of this is that it will make me stronger.. even though it definetly DOES NOT feel that way right now, but maybe someday. So its okk, I need to stop hating myself so much, I am doing sort of ok.




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