allie

Diary of a crazy girl
2011-04-02 20:59:04 (UTC)

So waht am i supposed to do now?

So i am really annoyed at life right now and I am finding it really hard. I dont really know why I have done the things I have done but now i have found myself stuck in this grey, unhappy life.
I guess I am still trying to comprehend how I even got here. I had everything anyone could have asked for and I guess thats why it makes me so unsettled to be liviing like this right now.
I was NOT supposed to be this way, I was supposed to be happy and I had every single thing in my life that should have produced a successful, happy life.
ANyways, I am so sick of rehashing all of the things that I've done wrong in my life, its soo depressing and I've realized that it gets me absolutely no where.

So now i feel like my only option is be strong and get that life that I was su0pposed to have. Because if I dont.. then i will stilll be stuck here feelign sorry for myself and watching my life pass me by. and crying every single day because I let all of that "potential" just go down the drain.

K Enough, I am changing my life starting now and I am going to force myself to write in this online diary as I go, because I have learnt that it is WAY too easy to just not really pay attention to the passing days. Escaping with alchol and perscription drugs. I know I can change my life ok.

SO first goal I have is lose 10 pounds. I knkow thaht sounds so stupid but honestly, looks are really important in life(another thing I have learnt) like i used to be so hot and now i am just ugly and fat and i hate it. ahhhhh so anyways "baby steps, baby steps"

So this is my first goal for the next week I am going to work out everyday. do squats and situps and at least 30min on the elliptical but hopefully I can push myself for more.

omg I already feel like giving up and having a drink.




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